(It’s Christmas morning, and my boyfriend and I are exchanging gifts. We’ve been together for over 4 years at this point.)
Him: “Wait, there’s one more for you.”
Me: “Okay…”
(He reaches behind his back and gets down on a knee. I start tearing up.)
Him: “Here you go, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi. You deserve it!”
(A few years later and we’re still together…and I have excellent nails!)
(A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked into our Kosher deli-style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)
Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”
Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”
Man: “This is [Restaurant], right?”
Hostess: “Yes, sir, it is.”
Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”
Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way… We’ll seat you!”
(…and they’ve been back every year since!)
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(A little boy and his mother enter the store. The little boy is toting a fairly good-sized rock with both hands.)
Little Boy: “Mama, I want one of those toys for Christmas!”
(The little boy gestures to toys on display.)
Mother: “What do you want toys for? You don’t need toys! You have a perfectly good rock!”
This story is part of the Family-At-Christmas Roundup!
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(During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)
Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”
Me: “7:30–”
Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”
Me: “AM, sir.”
Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*
(I am getting my molars removed for the first time, and I’m freaking out. My sister decides to take advantage.)
Me: *to receptionist* “So, where are they going take me for the procedure?”
Sister: “A dark, scary dungeon.”
Me: *to sister* “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” *to receptionist* “How’s the dentist planning on sedating me?”
Receptionist: “Well-”
Sister: “They’re going to strap you to a table and beat you with a log until you’re unconscious. Or your teeth fall out. Whichever comes first.”
Me: *to receptionist* “How long am I going to be out?”
Receptionist: “Well–”
Sister: “Years.”
Receptionist: “Oh my God, would you stop? Your brother is turning pale!”
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