(I am making a lot of drinks. I place a drink on the counter and shout “green iced tea” so the owner of the drink can pick it up. A woman sitting with her husband at one of the tables, without any drinks, speaks up.)
Customer: “Is that a free iced tea?”
Me: “Green.”
Customer: “No, is that a free iced tea?”
Me: *enunciating* “Green.”
Customer: “Oh, sorry, I thought you said free, like someone had left it. I was like ‘I’ll take it!” *laughs*
Me: “What was your drink?”
Customer: “Oh, we didn’t order drinks. We were just sitting here…”
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883 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer rushes in flustered.)
Me: “Can I help you today?”
Customer: “Yes, I need something, but I’m not sure what.”
Me: “Uh, okay. Is it an appliance, like a kettle or toaster, or are you after a TV or vacuum cleaner?”
Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I need something, you know to clean between my floor and ceiling!”
Me: confused “So…to clean the room?”
Customer: “You people are all the same, trying to sell me something every time I’m in here!” *storms out*
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907 Thumbs Up!)
(I work in the footwear department at a sports store.)
Customer: “I would like to return these hiking boots.”
Me: “These boots look like they have been worn outdoors. I need a manager to approve this return.”
Manager: “Why are you returning these boots? Was there something wrong with them?”
Customer: “Yes, they kept tripping me…”
(The customer and her husband argue for about 5 minutes before finally my manager gets fed up and gives in.)
Manager, to me: “Could you please help this lady find some hiking boots that won’t trip her?”
Me, to customer: “Do any of these hiking boots catch your eye?”
Customer: “Oh, these are cute.”
(I turn to see her holding up a pair of boots identical to the pair she had just returned.)
Related:
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me
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780 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “I need a pack of blue [brand] 100′s please.”
(I go and get exactly the cigarettes that she requested.)
Me:“Here you go!”
Customer: “No, I need the blue ones!”
Me: “Ma’am, these are blue.” *points to the blue label*
Customer: “No, I want the shorts.”
(I return the 100′s for the kings, still blue.)
Customer: “No! I wanted the BLUE ONE-HUNDREDS! Are you color blind? Do you not know what you’re doing?!”
(I return the kings and return again with the exact same pack of blue 100′s that I gave her the first time.)
Customer: “That’s better. You might want to get your hearing checked.”
Related:Placebo Me
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959 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer comes to my till with two boxes of envelopes.)
Me: “Do you need stamps for your envelopes?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Do you need stamps for your envelopes?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Do you need stamps?”
Customer: *stares*
Me: “For your envelopes?”
Customer: “What are stamps?”
Me: “Mailing stamps…for your envelopes.”
Customer: *stares*
Me: “To mail your envelopes.”
Customer: “Oh. No.”
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866 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)
Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”
Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”
Me: “What state are you in?”
Customer: “Oregon.”
Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”
Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”
Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”
Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”
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698 Thumbs Up!)
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18 Thumbs Up!)
(I am working in the men’s department when a well-dressed, handsome man comes up with a few pairs of pants. Most of them are one size, while one or two are one size larger than that.)
Me: “Did you find everything okay?”
Customer: “Yes, thank you.”
Me: “I see here that these are one size larger than the others. Did you need the two different sizes?”
Customer: *sheepishly* “Yes, actually, I do.”
Me: “I was just checking. Sometimes clothes don’t get put back in the proper piles and sizes get mixed up.” *continues ringing him up* “Are you purchasing these as a gift? We can provide you with a gift box.”
Customer: “Oh, no, both sizes are for me.” *leans in to whisper* “You see, I need one size for most of the time, and another for… that time of the month.”
Me: *speechless*
Customer: “Don’t judge me! My wife cooks fattier foods for a whole week when…you know! It’s like Thanksgiving every night for a week!”
Me: “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine what she’s like while pregnant.”
Customer: *visibly pales* “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, no. I can’t have that happen! I’ll get FAT!”
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1,672 Thumbs Up!)
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