(I am explaining our different room types to someone who has never stayed with us. The hotel I work for is very small and has a different name for many suites.)
Me: “And lastly, we have our Supreme and Premiere suites, which are our largest units.”
Customer: “What’s the difference?”
Me: “They are exactly the same, except the Supreme is on the left side of the hall and the Premiere is on the right side.”
Customer: “What’s the price difference?”
Me: “They cost the same.”
Customer: “Which one is better?”
Me: “They are exactly the same.”
Customer: “But which one is better?”
Me: “They are the same. Just opposite sides of the hall.”
Customer: “Just tell me which one is better, dear.”
Me: “The Supreme?”
Customer: “Thank you! You’ve been such a sweetheart!”
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1,065 Thumbs Up!)
(Note that I wear hearing aides, but I don’t understand more than one phrase of sign language. However, I do quite well if someone is facing me.)
Me: “Are you finding everything okay?”
Customer: “Actually I need some help. I’m looking for–” *turns away while mumbling*
Me: “Ma’am, can you face me and repeat that? I have a minor hearing problem, and you won’t have to repeat yourself so much if you face me.”
Customer: “Oh! Would signing be easier?”
Me: “Actually, I don’t speak a word of sign, so if–”
Customer: *signs*
Me: “Ma’am, I actually don’t–”
Customer: *continues signing*
Me: “Ma’am, I really don’t understand what you’re saying. If you could please just tell me what you need, I can help you easier.”
Customer: *still signing and not saying a word*
Me: *in sign language* “I don’t understand sign language.”
Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say so?”
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1,724 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer has just ordered a sandwich and has moved over to stand near the pickup counter.)
Me: “Medium mocha on the bar!”
Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”
Me: “Um, no. Large latte!”
Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”
Me: “Still no.”
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1,132 Thumbs Up!)
Caller: “My Outlook isn’t working anymore. When I put my password in, it doesn’t log me in.”
Me: “Are you able to access your email using web-access for our email system?”
Caller: “What’s that?”
(This is forgivable. Oftentimes, professors don’t know that they can access their work email using a website as well.)
Me: “Okay, well, if you just go to [site.domain.edu] and enter your credentials–”
Caller: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s the URL of the web access client. Just open your internet browser and type it in–”
Caller: “What’s an internet browser?”
Me: “It’s the program you use to access the internet.”
Caller: “What’s the internet?”
Me: *speechless*
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1,730 Thumbs Up!)
(While I’m working, a woman comes up to rent a liberal leaning movie. In an attempt to make small talk, I mention that I’m not that into politics, but I really enjoy watching Rachel Maddow’s show on MSNBC.)
Customer: “Who is that?”
Me: “She’s a liberal newscaster.”
Customer: “Oh…well, I’d have to watch 2 hours of Fox just to make up for watching that! I don’t want to get unbalanced!”
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874 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “May I have your name, please?”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “When your order is ready to be collected, we call you by name.”
Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”
Me: “Well, give me a name that we can refer to you by.”
Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”
Me: “It doesn’t have to be your real name. I just need a name we can announce over the speaker so you know when to pick up your order.”
Customer: “Why would I respond to a name that’s not mine?”
Me: “Well, give us something that we can call you by.”
Customer: “Then, how would I remember that’s me?”
Me: “You can write it down.”
Customer: “Okay, call me Dick. I’m pretty sure I can remember that. I’ll be holding mine until you call.”
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1,222 Thumbs Up!)
(I work at an IT helpdesk that supports store managers. A manager calls in about problems with their telephone system.)
Me: “Can you tell me what model equipment are you guys are using?”
Customer: “I don’t know what kind it is.”
Me: “Can you read me what the label says on unit?”
Customer: “It says A…T…something in Chinese…and another T.”
Me: “Chinese?”
Customer: “I’m gonna unplug it.”
Me: “No, wait. Don’t–” *call disconnects*
(Since he disconnected his entire telephone system, we couldn’t contact the store and had to drive down to talk to them personally. We ended up having to hire a 3rd party tech to go out and plug that device back in and reconfigure the entire system. Apparently, they don’t have the ampersand in Alabama.)
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1,522 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer calls for a replacement MP3 player due to a manufacturer defect.)
Me: “I’d be happy to set up a replacement for you. May I have the email address that the device is registered to?”
Customer: “It’s my boyfriend’s. I don’t know the email address.”
Me: “Okay, what’s wrong with the MP3 player?”
Customer: “I don’t know. It just needs to be replaced.”
Me: “Sure. What address do you want it shipped to?”
Customer: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Would you like to have your boyfriend give us a call when he is ready to set up the replacement?”
Customer: “Oh, no. He doesn’t know what he’s doing!”
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1,017 Thumbs Up!)
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