Customer: “I need to open an account.”
Me: “I can help you. It appears your employer requires you use a specific internet site to do that.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “You have to go on the internet to a specific site to fill out the application.”
Customer: “What if I don’t have a computer?”
Me: “That’s okay. I can fax or mail one to you.”
Customer: “You guys will mail me a computer?!”
Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
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Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing
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824 Thumbs Up!)
Retail | Oklahoma City, OK, USA |
Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”
Customer: “I’m alive.”
Me: “That’s good. Find everything okay today?”
Customer: “Yeah. Because if I wasn’t alive, I’d be dead. Or a zombie.”
Me: “I guess you would.”
Customer: “Do you like zombies?”
Related:
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too
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819 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “I’d like a cinnamon crunch bagel with honey walnut cream cheese, and a cup of coffee.”
Customer’s sister: “What?!”
Customer: “I can handle it.”
Customer’s sister, to me: “She’s allergic to walnuts.”
Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not too allergic.”
Me: “Uhm..”
Customer: “I’ll just break out into a rash. I won’t die or anything. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Me: “I’m not so sure I—”
Customer: “It’s just so good. I can’t help it!”
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1,274 Thumbs Up!)
Office | San Francisco, CA, USA |
(I work at a start-up company in a very small office space that used to be a window shades store. We occasionally get people knocking on the door looking for the old business. A gentleman knocks on the door and I talk to him.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I bought these blinds, and they don’t fit my window.”
Me: “Oh, you’re at the wrong place. That was the last tenant. This isn’t a shade store anymore.”
Customer: “Oh, but in the phone book this is listed.”
Me: “I know. He hasn’t updated it. We’re not a shade shop. I hope you get help with your problem.”
Customer: “Well, you might be able to help. You’re a woman. Women put up blinds a lot.”
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1,259 Thumbs Up!)
(We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)
Customer: “How did our dog do today?”
Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”
Customer: “Just like his dad.”
Customer’s wife: “Oh my God.”
Related:
The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To Get Neutered
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1,621 Thumbs Up!)
(I am closing the pharmacy curtain. A customer comes up to the counter.)
Customer: “I need to pick up my prescription for my pain medication. I’m in a lot of pain.”
Me: “Okay. Just for future reference, the pharmacy closes at 9pm.”
Customer: “I know. I was too busy getting an iPhone to get here while you were open.”
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1,201 Thumbs Up!)
(I work for a telecommunications company doing tech support. It’s 5/20/11, the day before the supposed Rapture, and I am scheduling a work order.)
Me: “Now, sir, I have appointments open for the 21st. Would that work at all?”
Caller: “Well, yes, we should be around, unless we get Raptured. In that case, we might want to cancel it. Or, if we don’t, we might not want to cancel it. Not sure which one is the bigger problem.”
Me: “Sir, I do assure you we are well prepared for either eventuality–return of Christ or not. Now, barring Rapture, I have a 1 – 3 pm and 3 – 5 pm. Which would you’d prefer?”
Caller: “1 – 3 pm. If we don’t get Raptured, we want time for looting.”
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2,101 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Good afternoon, [Software Company] Tech Support. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I have a complaint about your software. My employees keep exiting the files without saving. I need you to fix that problem with your software.”
Me: “Sir, when you pick to exit the application, it asks you if you are sure you want to exit without saving.”
Customer: “I know. I think they are just hitting enter at the question.”
Me: “Sir, the default is no.”
Customer: “Well, they must be answering yes.”
Me: “I’m not sure how we can change the software to make it easier for your employees to understand.”
Customer: “Can you add a second box after the first box, asking if they are really sure they want to lose what they just entered?”
Me: “I can put that request in, sir. But I doubt that development will change the software.”
Customer: “Why not?! It’s a bug in your software! I want it fixed!”
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1,485 Thumbs Up!)
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