Me: “Thank you, sir. Now, if you could just sign your name on the line, and then write it regular on the line below…”

Customer: *signs his name and below it writes ‘regular’*

Me: “[Business name] Computers. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t get this internet program installed. Can I just have you guys do it?”

Me: “Sure. Just bring in your computer tower and we’ll take care of that for you.”

(About fifteen minutes later, the customer comes in the front door carrying his monitor.)

Me: “Can I help you bring in the rest of your computer, sir?”

Customer: “Rest of my computer? This is my computer.”

Me: “Yes, sir. That is just your monitor. It only displays what your computer tells it to. What we need is your tower. It looks like one of these.”

(I point to several other towers in the store.)

Customer: “Well, as long as I have this in here, can you remove some of the icons from the screen that I don’t use?”

Me: “Hi, this is [company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I am trying to print out a report. I was wondering if you could stop emailing it in color. The color ink is very expensive!”

Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

Customer #1: “I want a salmon roll. It comes with salmon inside…wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

Me: “Sure. That is how salmon rolls always come, anyway.”

Customer #2: “I would also like a spicy tuna roll. Just spicy tuna…wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

Me: “Okay, that’s how all of our rolls come. You can just say the name of the roll.”

Customer #1: “Oh, and I’ll also have a cucumber roll…with cucumber inside, wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get cookies. How much are they?”

Me: “By the size of the box or the bag. We have 4 and 8 pound bags, and different sized boxes.”

Customer: “8 pound bag? So I could fit a whole baby in there?”

Me: “Okay, sir. The email address is [name]@[company].com.”

Caller: “Dot-com. Is that all one word?”

Me: “Dot, as in a full stop.”

Caller: “Smart guy, huh?!”

Caller: “I’d like to know how to charge my handheld, please.”

Me: “Take the cable, and plug it into the bottom of the handheld. Take the other side, and plug it into the wall.”

Caller: “Which one goes in the wall?”

Me: “The side that has the two prongs.”

Caller: “Why is this so complicated?!” *click*

Related:
Not So Smart-Phone, Part 2
Not So Smart-Phone

(The cheapest drink we sell is an espresso. Customers often ask for ‘expresso’ because it is the cheapest thing on the prices board, not knowing what the actual drink is.)

Customer: “Can I have an expresso, please?”

Me: “Of course. Can I just check…do you know what an espresso is?”

Customer’s girlfriend: “You serve five kinds of coffee and you don’t know what an expresso is?!”

Me: “No, no. I’m not asking you to explain it to me. I just wanted to check you knew what you were going to get.”

Customer’s girlfriend: “Of course we do! Do we look stupid? God!”

(She stalks off to a table and leaves her boyfriend to wait for his drink.)

Me: “Here’s your espresso, sir. Sorry about the misunderstanding.”

Customer: “That’s okay.”

(There is a long pause as he looks at his drink.)

Customer: “Do you think I could get this in a bigger cup? With some milk?”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself
Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems