(Because of a food shortage due to weather, we are required by management to cut back on our vegetables. In front of our veggie selection is a sign explaining the situation.)
Customer: “This piece of paper is in the way. I can’t see some of your veggies. Can you take it down?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to remove or alter any signs posted by my manager. We have a list of all the veggies we offer here.”
(I point to our veggies list, which is right next to it.)
Customer: “Why are you being so skimpy with the veggies? It’s not like you don’t have more.”
Me: “Actually, our supply is very limited right now due to our shortage of produce.”
Customer: “You need to have a sign explaining this.”
Me: “We do. It’s the piece of paper you wanted me to move.”
Customer: “No one is going to see that!”
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1,878 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer comes to pick up her cake. I hand it to her and she starts to laugh.)
Customer: “You’ve spelled this wrong, honey.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can fix it for you right away. How do you spell the name?”
Customer: “The name is right. It’s ‘Congratulations’ you’ve spelled wrong.”
(I look at the cake but see no error.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see a mistake.”
Customer: “Right here. You’ve spelled it with a ‘t’ instead of a ‘d’. It’s okay. You can just give me a discount and I’ll go on with it.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not authorized to give discounts.”
Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”
(Long story short, we ended up having to find a dictionary to prove I had spelled it right. She didn’t get a discount.)
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3,172 Thumbs Up!)
(I am taking an order from a customer.)
Me: “I have a credit card on file for you. It is a card ending in 4312. Should we use that one?”
Caller: “I have no idea whose card that is, so charge that one.”
Related:
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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession
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998 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager?
Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I want to complain about your employee in the jewelry department. She’s a hooligan!”
Me: “Well, what did she do?”
Customer: “Her hair is green!”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s just for St. Patrick’s Day.”
Customer: “I don’t care! It’s unprofessional and rebellious! It probably means she’s in a gang!”
Me: “Very well. I’ll talk with her.”
(The associate and I have a good laugh over it. She comes in the next day with her ordinary brown hair. The customer happens to come in, too.)
Customer: “Oh, your hair is brown! I’m glad I was able to help you get reformed from your rebellious ways!”
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1,650 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Thank you for calling! Can I have your customer ID number, please?”
Caller: “I don’t have that. Can I give you the business name?”
Me: “Do you have your program open? I can actually tell you how to find your customer ID number.”
Caller: “No, but I have the address.”
Me: “Do you have the phone number by chance? That usually brings it up.”
Caller: “No, but I have the customer number. Will that help?”
Me: “Yes, the customer number would be very helpful…”
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1,406 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Thank you for calling [online movie rental]. How can I help you today?”
Caller: “Yes, I’m having a problem with my account. I think I may have uncovered a serious conspiracy to keep me from getting movies!”
Me: “That’s definitely not good. I’d love to take a look at your account. May I have your name please?”
Caller: “I’d better not give you my name. They may be listening now. I’d rather make this as anonymous as possible.”
Me: “That’s fine. What’s going on?”
Caller: “My postman will only pick up my movies every three days unless I put a dollar in each return envelope. I’m afraid you guys are paying them to do this!”
Me: “I can assure you we want you renting movies. That’s what we’re in business for. Have you tried returning your movies from another location?”
Caller: “When I do that, it takes even longer for them to get picked up! I’ve been staying up until midnight to put my movies in my mailbox so the postman can’t see. I was out last night, and I slipped on some wet leaves! I said to myself, ‘Why am I living like this?’ So, I thought I should call you.”
Me: “Sir, if you’re concerned your postman isn’t doing his job, I can get you a number for the mail customer care line.”
Caller: *whispering emphatically* “You don’t understand! He’s the only one and he has the only key! Look into the mailboxes! The only key! Beeeeee saaaaaaaafe!” *click*
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1,579 Thumbs Up!)
Hotel | Perth, West Australia, Australia |
(A guest is checking in.)
Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”
Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in anyway disturbed or affected.”
Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”
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1,718 Thumbs Up!)
Hotel | San Antonio, TX, USA |
Guest: “Do you have any vacancies tonight?”
Me: “I’m sorry. We’re completely booked tonight.”
Guest: “Do you know if any other hotels in the area have any rooms?”
Me: “I’m sorry. I checked with all the hotels near us, and all of them are completely booked as well. I heard complaints from other people that they couldn’t find hotels anywhere else in town either.”
Guest: “What’s going on in town that’s causing it to be so busy?”
Me: “Spring break.”
Guest: “Oh. I didn’t think so many people would come here for that.”
Me: “I’m sorry. What brings you to town?”
Guest: “Spring break.”
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1,378 Thumbs Up!)
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