(In our arcade, we have redeemable prizes for tickets you win by playing games.)

Me: *after counting a little girl’s tickets* “Okay, you have 25 tickets.”

Customer: “Give me a watermelon Air Head!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You don’t have enough tickets for that.”

Customer: “But my President is black!”

Me: “And so is mine.”

(I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

Customer #1: “Oh my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”

(Please note, I am hearing impaired.)

Customer: “Hello. Do you have any [brand] perfume?”

Me: “No we don’t.”

Customer: “But… but… I want it!”

Me: “You could try one of the outlet stores. Currently this store does not carry it.”

Customer: “Why don’t you call the store in Bellingham?”

Me: “I could check online for you to see if we have it in stock in Bellingham, but the stores do not carry it.”

Customer: *shouting* “Call the f***ing store!”

Me: “I’m hearing impaired. I cannot talk on the phone.”

Customer: “Just f***ing call them!”

(I proceed to call the store, but because I cannot hear I am constantly asking the person on the other end to repeat what they are saying.)

Customer: “What are you, deaf?!”

Me: “Yes, actually.”

*pause*

Customer: “Oh.”

Original Story | Comic by EvilNessie

Original Story | Comic by EvilNessie

Original Story | Comic by EvilNessie

Customer: “Miss? I have a question for you.”

Me: “Of course, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I found these movies on that rack over there. The sign says “2 for $20″ and I was wondering how much they would be if I bought both of them.”

Me: “Ma’am, anything on that rack is $20 if you buy two.”

Customer: “No, I want these two specifically. The tags on them say that they are $20 each!”

Me: “I can see the confusion here, but I assure you that if you buy both of those they will only be $20.”

Customer: “But the tags say $20!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing you in here a few times before. Those are $20 a piece, but since you’re such a loyal customer I’ll knock off half.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! You’re so helpful!”

Me: “Thank you for calling, my name is [name]. May I have your phone number please?”

Customer: “Okay…2.”

(I wait a few seconds for the customer to finish. The customer stays silent.)

Me: “And what’s the rest?”

Customer: “No that’s it.”

Me: “Your phone number is 2?”

Customer: “Oh! I thought you asked me what my favorite number was!”