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In Need Of A Better Outlook

, , , , | Right | December 22, 2010

Customer: “I’m having issues with my Outlook.”

Me: “Show me the problem you’re having so I can see if I can fix it for you.”

(She has six passwords each over twenty characters long: Bios password, Windows password, Zone Alarm Password, Outlook Password, etc.)

Me: “You don’t need to have your passwords that long for security’s sake.”

Customer: “I read on the Internet that sniffers give up if the password is too long.”

Me: “I’m happy you did your research, but you don’t have to have it longer than fifteen characters long.”

Customer: “Well I’m afraid if someone steals my laptop, the programs that can recover passwords can’t detect past twenty letters.”

Me: “That’s true, but no one really does that anymore. In this business we have customers coming in all the time to have us remove the password for them because they forgot it. For instance, I can get into your laptop in less than two to three minutes without your help.”

Customer: “No way. I’ve made precautions.”

Me: “I will be more than happy to show you that I can. But I would have to charge you a half-hour fee and you would have to sign the work order giving me permission to.”

Customer: “And if you can’t? ”

Me: “Then I will be more than happy to refund you the money and you would have won this war.”

(Customer then pays the fee and signs the work order.)

Me: “Give me a moment.”

(A minute later.)

Me: “Here you go; I’m logged in to your Outlook.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! How did you do that?”

Me: “If you’re really worried about someone stealing your laptop, you shouldn’t have laminated your passwords to the laptop.”

Sabotage By Numbers

, , , , , | Right | December 22, 2010

(We have a rewards program that mails out free coupons for shopping. We need to verify each customer’s account in order for them to earn their coupons. There are two customers in my line, one young woman, and behind her one middle-aged woman.)

Me: “Do you receive your coupons?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, I think so.”

Me: “All right, what’s your phone number?”

Customer #1: “Oh, it’s–”

Customer #2: “You don’t have to give that, you know.”

([Customer #1] looks confused.)

Me: “Well, we need to look you up so that you get credit for the purchase and get your discounts. I can look it up by mail or email if you’d prefer. Which do you get?”

Customer #1: “I get–”

Customer #2: “Nope. Don’t do it. That’s how they find you. They find your PIN numbers and bra size that way.”

Customer #1: “I… um.”

Me: “We don’t need your bra size.”

Customer #1: “Well, let’s just skip it. I can’t remember what I get. It’s fine.”

(I finish the transaction and [Customer #2] approaches.)

Me: “So, I’m guessing you don’t get coupons, either.”

Customer #2: “Of course I do. I just didn’t want her to use them all before I got here. And I’m a 34B.”


This story is part of our customer conspiracy theorists roundup!

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Totally Lost The Pot

, , , , | Right | December 22, 2010

(I am working checkouts when a customer comes up with a stack of small buckets.)

Customer: “There should be about 23 of those.”

Me: “What do you use these for?”

Customer: “My husband uses them to mix cement, and then he just throws them out.”

(I begin scanning the buckets. Suddenly, the customer comments loudly.)

Customer: “We are not using them to grow pot!”

Can’t Count On His Trust

, , , , | Right | December 22, 2010

(A group of four teens come in to see an R-rated movie. Two of the kids have ID revealing their age to be 17. The two girls have no ID. I am a manager and am called over to assist.)

Me: “What’s wrong here?”

Male Customer: “See, he and I have our IDs because I drove.” *points to girls* “They are 17. They just forgot their IDs.”

Me: “Well, you owe me $100.”

Customer: “What? No, I don’t.”

Me: “Oh, so you don’t take my word for it? You don’t trust me.”

Girl Customer: “Hey, we are 17. We know the rules. We just forgot our IDs.”

Me: “If you knew the rules, then why didn’t you bring your IDs? I can’t sell you tickets, but can I suggest a PG-13 movie?”

Male Customer: “Hey, wait. Why do I owe you $100?!”


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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Business Daze

, , , , | Right | December 21, 2010

(The customer has a covered hardware issue. It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.)

Me: “I’m going to request that a replacement device be sent to you, free of charge. You should receive your replacement in two business days.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait two business days! You need to make it arrive Friday!”

Me: “I understand your frustration sir, but tomorrow is Wednesday and the second business day is Friday. Thursday is the holiday.”

Customer: “You make it get here Friday!”

Me: “Sir, Wednesday is one business day. Friday is two business days. You will have your replacement on Friday.”

Customer: “Put your supervisor on!”

Supervisor: *after greeting the customer and looking at the details for the replacement* “What can I do for you, sir?”

Customer: “That girl’s trying to teach me how to count!”


This story is part of our Thanksgiving roundup!

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