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    Archive for 2010

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    No Short Cuts In Private School

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    (I am having my hair done and over hearing a conversation between a mother, her daughter and the hairdresser.)

    Hairdresser: “Oh dear…sweetie.”

    Child: “What is it?”

    Hairdresser: “I’m afraid I can’t cut your hair today.” *to the mother* “Excuse me ma’am?”

    (The mother ignores the hairdresser and talks on her mobile phone.)

    Hairdresser: “Excuse me.”

    (Mother continues to ignore her.)

    Hairdresser: “Ma’am!”

    Mother: “What!? Can’t you see I am on the phone?”

    Hairdresser: “I am sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t cut your daughter’s hair.”

    Mother: “What do you mean you can’t cut my daughter’s hair?”

    Hairdresser: “I’m very sorry, but it is against store policy to cut anybody’s hair if they have lice.”

    Mother: “Lice!? She can’t have lice! She goes to a private school!”

    In Need Of A Better Outlook

    | Riverside, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’m having issues with my Outlook.”

    Me: “Show me the problem you’re having so I can see if I can fix it for you.”

    (She has six passwords each over twenty characters long, Bios password, Windows password, Zone Alarm Password, Outlook Password, etc…)

    Me: “You don’t need to have your passwords that long for security’s sake.”

    Customer: “I read on the internet that sniffers give up if the password is too long.”

    Me: “I’m happy you did your research, but you don’t have to have it longer then 15 characters long.”

    Customer: “Well I’m afraid if someone steals my laptop, the programs that can recover passwords can’t detect past twenty letters.”

    Me: “That’s true, but no one really does that anymore. In this business we have customers coming in all the time to have us remove the password for them because they forgot it. For instance, I can get into your laptop in less then 2 – 3 minutes without your help.”

    Customer: “No way. I’ve made precautions.”

    Me: “I will be more then happy to show you that I can. But I would have to charge you a half hour fee and you would have to sign the work order giving me permission to.”

    Customer: “And if you can’t? ”

    Me: “Then I will be more then happy to refund you the money and you would have won this war.”

    (Customer then pays the fee and signs the work order.)

    Me: “Give me a moment.”

    (A minute later.)

    Me: “Here you go, I’m logged in to your Outlook.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! How did you do that?”

    Me: “If your really worried about someone stealing your laptop, you shouldn’t have laminated your passwords to the laptop.”

    Totally Lost The Pot

    | Wellington, New Zealand |

    (I am working checkouts when a customer comes up with a stack of small buckets.)

    Customer: “There should be about 23 of those.”

    Me: “What do you use these for?”

    Customer: “My husband uses them to mix cement, and then he just throws them out.”

    (I begin scanning the buckets. Suddenly, the customer comments loudly.)

    Customer: “We are not using them to grow pot!”

    Sabotage By Numbers

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (We have a rewards program that mails out free coupons for shopping. We need to verify each customer’s account in order for them to earn their coupons. There are two customers in my line, one young woman, and behind her one middle aged woman.)

    Me: “Do you receive your coupons?”

    Customer 1: “Yeah, I think so.”

    Me: “Alright, what’s your phone number?”

    Customer 1: “Oh, it’s–”

    Customer 2: “You don’t have to give that, you know.”

    (Customer 1 looks confused.)

    Me: “Well, we need to look you up so that you get credit for the purchase, and get your discounts. I can look it up by mail or email if you’d prefer. Which do you get?”

    Customer 1: “I get–”

    Customer 2: “Nope. Don’t do it. That’s how they find you. They find your pin numbers and bra size that way.”

    Customer 1: “I…Um.”

    Me: “We don’t need your bra size.”

    Customer 1: “Well, let’s just skip it. I can’t remember what I get. It’s fine.”

    (I finish the transaction, and Customer 2 approaches.)

    Me: “So I’m guessing you don’t get coupons either.”

    Customer 2: “Of course I do. I just didn’t want her to use them all before I got here. And I’m a 34B.”

    Not-A-Brainer Might Have Been More Apt

    | Auckland, New Zealand |

    Me: “We do have seats available on that flight, but if you were willing to leave an hour later the fare would be $200 less. Would that work for you?”

    Elderly Customer: “That’s not a brainer!”

    Me: *laughing*

    Elderly Customer: “That’s what the kids say, ‘not a brainer’. I’m going to use it on my grandson to show I’m hip with the kids.”

    Me: “I think ‘that’s a no-brainer’ might be more usual.”

    Elderly Customer: “You know what else the kids say? Go f*** yourself!”


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