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    Archive for 2010

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    The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas

    | PA, USA |

    (It is December and Christmas decorations have been recently put up throughout town. I recognize our town manager, in the store. She is responsible for all the towns’ decorations.)

    Me: *as I am ringing up her books* “I love all the lights downtown!”

    Town Manager: “Thank you!”

    Me: “My favorite is the reindeer topiary garden!”

    Town Manager: *scowling* “Well they do look nice, but unfortunately the children like them too.

    Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

    Town Manager: “The children! They are always trying to touch the reindeer.”

    Me: “I’m sure they’re very excited about Christmas, and hearing all about Rudolph.”

    Town Manager: “The decorations are for looking at! Not for touching! I suggested electricity but no one liked that idea.”

    Me: “You suggested what?”

    Town Manager: “Just a light jolt, to discourage the children!”

    (I am stunned and silent.)

    Town Manager: “No, no one else liked that idea either.”

    Me: “Here are your books! Happy holidays!”

    Leuk Who’s Talking

    | New Zealand |

    (A lady jumps the extremely long line to see Santa.)

    Lady: “Hey, do you mind if we go next? My son actually has leukemia and we need to get to the hospital to get his treatment.”

    Child: “Mum, I don’t have leukemia.”

    Lady: “I told you to SHUT UP!”

    Don’t Knock Knock Christmas

    | Germantown, WI, USA |

    (A dad and his children are in my checkout line. I’m ringing up items for the family when I hear his children talking to each other.)

    8-year old son: “Want to hear a joke?

    5-year old son: “Yeah!”

    8-year old son: “Knock knock.”

    5-year old son: “Who’s there?”

    8-year old son: “Merry!”

    5-year old son: “Merry who?”

    8-year old son: “Merry, it’s almost Christmas!”

    (I laugh.)

    Dad: *looking at me and laughing too* “Yeah, I was wondering where he was going with that.”

    Oh You Sleigh Me

    | PA, USA |

    (I’m shopping for Christmas ornaments when a woman and her husband walk into the store.)

    Wife: “Look at this, this is a sin! They hardly have anything.”

    Husband: “The Christmas section gets smaller and smaller each year. I barely saw any decorations in the store, either.”

    Wife: *picking up an angel table topper* “This is just disrespectful. They should have another three or four kinds of trees!”

    Husband: “I agree dear, this selection is disappointing. How are we supposed to properly celebrate with this?”

    (They continue on like this for another 5-10 minutes. Finally, the woman storms up to me.)

    Wife: “You! As a God fearing Christian, do you think this tiny little section is disrespectful to our Lord and Savior? How dare they not be respectful of our religious beliefs! We should go complain!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m Pagan and I can never find any good Beltane decorations here.”

    (She literally run from the seasonal section. I hear a security alarm a minute or two later. I think she forgot to pay for the angel that she never put down.)

    This Spells Disaster

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me find a movie? Your system confuses me.”

    Me: “The alphabet?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

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