(A couple walks in and sets off the alarm. It is store policy to ask if they have just bought anything and suggest they go back to have it desensitized.)

Me: “Hi. Did you happen to just buy something that might have set off the alarm?”

Customer: “No, we just stole a boatload of stuff next door and are coming in here now.”

(We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

Passenger: “Oh! You too?”

(As I turn to head back to my seat I overhear her talking to the passenger next to her.)

Passenger: “But I’ve seen them moving around in all sorts of weather…”

Caller: “My credit card was declined and I want to know why! I’ve never been so embarrassed! I will be canceling my credit card with your f***ing bank as soon as I make this last transaction!”

(After properly identifying the customer, being yelled at for having to ask security questions and looking through the account, I find the answer.)

Me: “The purchase did not go through today because you requested a hold on your account last week when you left your credit card at a shopping mall.”

Caller: “Are you suggesting I’m stupid? I know I asked for a hold, but wouldn’t you incompetent people realize I must have my credit card if I am attempting a purchase?”

(I remain silent as the customer realizes what they have just said.)

Caller: “Oh!”

Me: “Is there anything else I can do to help you today?”

Caller: *click*

Caller: “How do I make a call from this touch-screen phone? I can’t figure it out.”

Me: “Are you calling from the device?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Repeat what you did, but with a different number.”

Related:
Not So Smart-Phone

Caller: “Hi, I saw a car online and wanted some info on it.”

Me: “Sure, let me tell you all about it. Do you have a pen?”

Caller: “Yeah, 4351.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Caller: “My PIN.”

Me: “To your bank account?!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession