November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

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No Flirting A-Loud

| Midland, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m scanning out an elderly couple. The man is obviously hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, and how are you folks today?”

Customer: “You look so young. Why is that?”

Me: “I’m only 19.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!”

Customer: “Oh…do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “I’m engaged, actually.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S ENGAGED!”

Customer: “Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?”

Me: “Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s Wife: “SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

In Spock We Trust

| Pickens, SC, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why is Star Trek on the wall?”

Me: “It’s a new release sir, interested in renting it?”

Customer: “Son, Star Trek is a tool of the Devil. I demand that you remove it from your shelves!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “God forgive you for corrupting the youth of America!”

Many Problems To Address

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I sent a letter last week but it came back. Can you tell me why?”

Me: “Sure, do you have it with you?”

(The customer hands it over. It doesn’t take long to figure out the problem.)

Me: “Oh, okay. You’re going to need a valid house address to have it sent.”

Customer: “I did put the address!”

Me: “That’s an email address, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s valid. I checked!”

Refreshingly Stupid

| Washington, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “So, my item has been stuck in the shopping cart with the little thingy spinning for the last 20 minutes.”

Me: “By any chance have you tried refreshing your screen?”

Caller: “Of course. I’ve tried that three times now.”

Me: “And what happened when you refreshed sir?”

Caller: “The screen went black then came back on the screen with the spinny-thingy.”

Me: “Sir, it sounds like your turning your monitor on and off, not refreshing the screen.”

Caller: “Well, it looks refreshed to me!”

Raceless Accusations

| Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

(One of my bosses is talking to me about a group of legal Mexican workers on our job site.)

Boss: “Look at all them being lazy, taking our jobs.”

Me: “Actually, we’ve been here for a month and we’re two and a half weeks behind. They’ve been here a week and they’re close to being done.”

Boss: “Well, I’ll bet they’re all illegal.”

Me: “They had to show their green card to the job site supervisor over there. I asked their boss.”

Boss: “How’d you ask that him? I bet he can’t even speak English!”

Me: “Actually, all but two of them speak pretty good English. I think one of them was even born in America.”

Boss: “Well d*** it! Could you just let me hate them?!”