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    Archive for 2010

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    Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for calling [credit card company], my name is ***. Can I get your first and last name, please?”

    Caller: “I wanted to talk to the computer.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the reason you got me is because [credit card company] is wanting to take care of you personally and let you know about–”

    Caller: “I want to talk to the computer, not a person! I don’t like talking to people.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’ve already got your account info up on the screen. I can give you the same info the computer lady can.”

    Caller: “No! I want to talk to the computer! I don’t want to talk to a d*** agent! I wanted to get my balance from the computer!”

    Me: “Ma’am, since I’ve got it up already, would you like me to just give you the info so you don’t have to call back? You’d still get an agent if you did.”

    Caller: “NO! I WANT TO TALK TO THE COMPUTER!” *click*

    Candid Camera, Candid Answer

    | England, UK |

    Me: “Hello there, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like some batteries for my camera.”

    Me: “Okay, what does it take?”

    Customer: “Pictures.”

    Aches On A Brain

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

    Customer: “Samuel something.”

    Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

    Customer: “Yeah–him.”

    Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

    Customer: “Um…Snakes…on a Plane.”

    (I walk the customer over to the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

    Customer: “Hmm…and this is about snakes on a plane?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The customer puts the movie back on shelf.)

    Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”

    Hot Air Doesn’t Just Come From Saunas

    | Florence, KY, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (I’m the Lifeguard on duty at an indoor pool when there’s a power outage. I must close the sauna for ventilation reasons. I enter, and a customer is sitting inside.)

    Customer: “Close the door! You’re letting the heat out!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, it is not safe for you to remain in the sauna because there is no longer adequate ventilation.”

    Customer: “It’s a f***ing sauna! There’s not meant to be ventilation, so shut the d*** door!”

    Me: “Without proper ventilation, the sauna will overheat and put you at risk for heat stroke.”

    Customer: “That’s what lifeguards are for!”

    Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

    Me: “Well these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

    Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to h***!”

    Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

    Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God then.” *storms off*

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