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    Archive for 2010

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    Elixirs Of Everlasting Life Are On Aisle 5

    | Evansville, IN, USA |

    (While ringing up a customer, the computer flags cold medicine and asks for age verification.)

    Me: “Sir, I need to verify your date of birth.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “You’re trying to buy medicine and I just need your date of birth to confirm you are over the age of 18.”

    Customer: “Oh. April 20th, 1420.”

    Me: “Sir, I really need your actual birth date to continue.”

    Customer: “4-20-1420. Put it in.”

    (I enter the date. The system accepts. I look in disbelief.)

    Customer: “Told you.”

    They Don’t Call Her Dumblesnore For Nothing

    | USA | Top

    (Someone has been sleeping on a chair poolside for many hours. It’s routine to wake a customer if they’re getting too badly burned.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss? You must wake up. You are getting badly sunburned.”

    Customer: *sleepily* “Where am I? Is this Hogwarts?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Narnia?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “Camp Half-Blood?”

    Me: “Not even close.”

    Customer: *pauses* “Well s***, then.”

    Trouble Brewing

    | Arkansas, USA |

    (A customer puts beer on the table to buy.)

    Me: “Can I see your ID please, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have it.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell this to you. You have to have a valid ID.”

    Customer: “Can’t you tell I’m 21?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, but policy requires me to ID you if you look under 40.”

    Customer: “Well, I have this…will it work? You guys have taken it before when I bought beer.”

    (Customer hands me a pink government paper with his name and information on it.)

    Me: “What is this?”

    Customer: “My DUI report.”

    Bawk-Bawk-Moooooo

    | Georgia, USA |

    Customer: “I was reading your menu. What is a smoked half-chicken?”

    Me: “It’s half of a chicken that has been smoked over pecan wood.”

    Customer: “What kind of chicken?”

    Me: “Do you mean flavor? We don’t put any sauce on it…it’s served plain.”

    Customer: “No…I mean what kind of chicken?”

    Me: “Well, they just cut a whole chicken in half so you get the white and dark meat.”

    Customer: “No! I mean, is it like from a cow or what?!”

    Now Hiring: Paramarketers

    | Nevada, USA |

    (I work as a receptionist at my father’s company. I had a brother who passed away before I was born.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of company]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to speak to [name of owner].”

    Me: “All right, sir, what’s your name and purpose of your call?”

    Customer: “Oh, he knows me. I’m his son.”

    Me: “Michael? You’re alive!”

    Customer: *click*

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