October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

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| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(A woman enters the bus with her son.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Your son didn’t pay the fare.”

Customer: “But children are free!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Children’s fare is currently at seventy-five cents.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying that! It’s free!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve been misinformed. Children still have to pay a fare to ride the bus.”

Customer: “No they don’t! You’re just trying to scam me!”

Me: “The fare box is locked, and is only accessed at the end of my shift, when I’m long gone.”

Customer: *pointing to the fare box* “You’re lying! This thing opens right up!”

Me: “If you can open it, your son can ride free.”

(The customer proceeds to struggle with the box for some minutes.)

Customer: “Seventy five cents, you said?”

Obviously Dog People

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m partway through a phone conversation with a client.)

Me: “Okay, and how many people live in your house?”

Client: “Me, my wife, and our two dogs.

Me: *laughs* “Alright then, sir, so it’s two people, yes?”

Client: “…and my two dogs.”

How About Some Dessert Instead

| Ireland | Uncategorized

(I have a table of four foreign business-men. One of them looks very sad.)

Sad customer: “And also, you bring me tea because this country is very cold and I am sick.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re not well. Of course I’ll bring you some tea.”

Sad customer: “…and then you marry me, because no-one will marry me.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Just Plane Unreasonable

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, this is [airline] calling to inform you that your flight as been canceled for tomorrow. I’m sorry to tell you that the next available flight we have is Monday.”

Customer: “What! How can that be? Why are you just now canceling the flight?”

Me: “Well, sir, due to the weather disruptions, we had to cancel your flight for the safety of the passengers and crew.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. You should have canceled this flight back in September!”

Me: “Sir, we didn’t know the weather would be bad in September.”

Customer: “I demand you send me your private plane to take me to Fort Lauderdale immediately!”

Elementary, My Dear Mr Darcy

| Utah, USA | Uncategorized

Customer:“I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

Me:Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

Customer:“I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”

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