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    Archive for 2010

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    SkyNet: The Early Years

    | Kimberley, BC, Canada |

    (Note: I’m making calls to let people know that the movies they reserved are in.)

    Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah from . I’m just calling to let you know the movie you reserved is now in if you’d like to come pick it up.”

    Customer: “Oh, for Pete’s sake. These stupid f***ing recordings! I can’t believe even friggin has them now. You hear that, you stupid f***ing robot? YOU F***ING PIECE OF ROBOT S***!

    Me: “Um…sir? I am an actual person.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Related:
    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 1

    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4

    | Queensland, Australia |

    Me: “Welcome to [company], how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “My internet is broken. This is so ridiculous! This happened two weeks ago. Your company is to blame and I am not happy!”

    (The customer supplies their account details.)

    Me: “Okay, so I’ve just run a quick test on your connection here and I can see that it is logged in, you say that you just cannot get any connection on your computer?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’m getting ‘No Signal’. This is so ridiculous!”

    (I go through roughly 20 minutes of troubleshooting, with the customer getting more and more angry the whole time.)

    Customer: “It’s broken and it’s all your fault! It keeps saying ‘Check Signal Cable’ and it won’t go away!”

    Me: “It says ‘Check Signal Cable’?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is your computer plugged into your monitor?”

    Customer: “Of course it…oh…” *click*

    Related:
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

    Not A Chance In (Convention) Hall

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “So the next convention in Sydney is THIS Thursday?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to register you?”

    Customer: “Ah, well, Thursday isn’t really going to work for me. Could you move the convention to Friday instead?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that we have already booked the venue and the speakers and planned everything for Thursday. It’s a little late to consider changing the date, especially since we have around 70 people booked for this particular seminar.”

    Customer: “So…no chance at all then?”

    Talk The Talk, Balk The Walk

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (The customer has two daughters, each with their own set of clothes for their toys.)

    Customer, to one daughter: “Since your shoes match her purse, you girls can share the two between you.”

    Me, to the same daughter: “Oh, what a good idea! Do you always share with your sister?”

    Daughter: “Yeah, mom says, ‘Sharing is caring’.”

    Me, to the customer: “Ma’am, your total is [price]. Would you like to donate a dollar to our charity?”

    Customer: “No thanks, I’ve spent enough of my money today!”

    D’ohpe

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Why was my return denied?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.”

    Customer: “I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.”

    Me: “A what, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A street pharmacist! He sells dope.”

    Me: “That is more information than I want to know ma’am. You have a good day.”

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