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    Archive for 2010

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    How To Deal With Gritty Customers

    | Ohio, USA |

    (Our home phone number is very close to a local hardware and building supply store.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I wanna order some gravel.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

    Customer: “That’s what I called!”

    Me: “No, it isn’t.  You’re trying to call [Supply Store]. This is a private residence.”

    (This goes on for eight sets of hang-up and call backs, with the guy getting nastier and nastier.)

    Customer: “Listen, lady.  I’m getting really tired of the run-around, so just take my d*** concrete order!”

    Me: “Fine, sir. That was 8 tons? It’ll be delivered around 4pm today.”

    A New Dimension of Stupidity

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

    (I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

    Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

    Me: “Yes sir!”

    Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

    Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

    Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

    Milk That Lie Dry

    | Thunder Bay, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Alrighty.”

    What A Tool

    | Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy this table saw, but I only want to pay $300.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the price is $400.”

    Customer: “But I only want to pay $300!”

    (This goes back and forth 3 or 4 times.)

    Customer: “Tell you what. Take $100 off the table saw and I might come in next week and buy that!” *points to a $20 tool*

    Me: “Sorry, sir but I’m not taking $100 off an item just because you buy a $20 item in a week.”

    Customer: “You clearly don’t know how to run a business!”

    No Date Like The Present

    | Montana, USA |

    (Customers use our computers to file for unemployment.)

    Customer: “We need some help over here.”

    Me: “Okay, let me see what the problem is.”

    (The customer has been trying to enter in previous dates of employment. There is an error due to the start date being entered as ‘04-31-2008’.)

    Me: “I don’t think there is an April 31st.”

    Customer: “Well, how were we supposed to know that?!”


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