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    Archive for 2010

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    Hysterically Wrong

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Customer: “Please connect me to the Dental Clinic. I need a hysterectomy.”

    Me: “Are you sure you want the Dental Clinic? They don’t do hysterectomies there.”

    Customer: “Just connect me. I think I have that part of the body figured out by now.”

    Too Lazy Even For The Devil’s Playthings

    | Allentown, PA, USA |

    Customer: “How do I send a picture from my phone?”

    Me:  ”I can definitely help out. Is the picture in your inbox or in your images?”

    Customer: “Images.”

    Me: “Great. Highlight the image you want to send, press the Options key, and select Send as MMS.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** do I have to do all the work?”

    Extremely Dis-concert-ing

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Library]. How my I be of assistance?”

    Caller: “Yeah, my son said he wanted to check out some CDs. Do you guys have CDs?”

    Me: “Of course. Can you tell me what type of CD he’s looking for?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I mean is he looking for audio books, computer games, music?”

    Caller: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, let me be more clear. Did he want–”

    Caller: “No, I mean I don’t understand what you said before.”

    Me: “I was just asking if you knew what type of CD he was looking for. Like audio books, or music, or–”

    Caller: “Wait, what’s that?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Caller: “That thing you just said.”

    Me: “What, music?”

    Caller: “Yeah, what’s that?”

    Some Customers You Just Have To Let Slide

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Top

    Me: “Good afternoon, this is [cellphone store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I came in to your store today and you sold me a defective phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What is your full name and phone number so I can pull up your account?”

    Customer: *gives information*

    Me: “Okay, thanks. I see, you bought a [phone]. What seems to be the problem?

    Customer: “The keyboard on this piece of s*** won’t come out!”

    Me: “Have you tried sliding it the other way?”

    *really long pause*

    Customer: “Well thanks a lot, b****! Now you made me feel like a f***ing idiot!” *click*

    Taking It Down To The Wire

    | USA |

    Customer: “My computer says I didn’t pay my internet bill and it won’t let me do anything. I just paid my bill!”

    Me: “Well, lets take a look and see what is happening with this.”

    Customer: “I make my living off the internet! Hurry up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid my records show that you don’t have internet as one of your services through this company.”

    Customer: “I pay a lot of money every month for this d*** service! You need to fix this and fix this now! I have been a customer of yours for years!”

    Me: “Can you please read me the message that is appearing on your computer monitor?”

    (Customer reads me message.)

    Me: “It appears that you indeed do not have internet service through us because the message you just read included someone else’s wireless account number. Ma’am, you are using someone else’s internet service.”

    Customer: “Why did you shut me off then?”

    Me: “We didn’t shut you off. We shut off someone else’s account for a delinquent balance and that was the account that you were stealing internet from.”

    Customer: “Well, just turn it back on then. I need my internet.”

    Me: “I can turn it back on in one of two ways. One: you pay for your own internet. Two: you pay for your neighbors internet to be turned back on so you can continue using something you aren’t supposed to be.”

    Customer: *hangs up*


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