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    Archive for 2010

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    (D)efinitely (V)ery (D)umb

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you just rented me this movie, and it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It keeps playing the same scene over and over again.”

    Me: “The same scene keeps playing?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it has these words written on it. ‘Play’, ‘Scene Selection’, ‘Language’ and ‘Special Features’.”

    Me: “Uh, sir, that’s the DVD menu. You just have to click ‘Play’ and the movie will start.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s the first time I’ve heard of that. How do I do that?”

    Me: “Uh, just hit the arrow buttons on your remote until you get to ‘Play’, then hit ‘Enter’ and the movie will start. Or, if you have a ‘Play’ button, just hit that.”

    Customer: “OK, where is that on my remote?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what your remote looks like.”

    Customer: “Never mind, I found it. OK, I’m clicking ‘Play’. Well now it just went black! Oh, now it has something different. Can you stay on the line with me for a little to make sure that scene doesn’t start repeating again?”

    Fat Chance Of A Reasonable Customer

    | Glendale, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for pants for my daughter.”

    Me: “Okay, what size is your daughter?”

    Customer: “She’s fat like you.”

    Me: “Okay, so I’m a medium. Does your daughter wear mediums?”

    Customer: “No. She’s fat like you. She needs fat pants.”

    Me: “So would a large be okay?”

    Customer: “Fat pants. Large is too small.”

    Me: “Large is the biggest size we have.”

    Customer: “Give me your pants then.”

    Sometimes The Customer Is Right About Being Wrong

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling from [Company] verifying that you are looking for information on a loan modification.”

    Caller: “I was, until I found out you could you couldn’t help me.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m not sure why you think that. We have been able to help lots of people. If you would like, I can connect you with a counselor who will be able to let you know what can be done.”

    Caller: “You can’t do anything for me.”

    Me: “I can assure you that there is something we can do. At least we can provide you with some information.”

    Caller: “You can’t do anything unless you are able to invade the Chinese.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “The only way you can help me is by invading the Chinese.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I think you are right. I don’t think there is anything we can do for you. Have a nice day.”

    Stupidity Bytes

    | Tennessee, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for coming in! Anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “I need the internet.”

    Me: “Okay. You need to get connected to the internet at your house?”

    Customer: “No! I need the internet, idiot. Don’t you guys sell them here with lots of gigglebites and dial-up modems and the like?”

    Me: “You need a computer tower then? We have plenty of those.”

    Customer: “No! I need the internet! My friend has an internet and its fast and has 10 gigglebites.”

    Me: “Okay, I will do everything I can to help you. I would also recommend you grab a copy of one of our guides that should be a great help.”

    (I show him a copy of Computers for Dummies.)

    Customer: “Does it come with the internet?”

    Seeing The Sun In A Whole New Light

    | Tromsø, Norway |

    (Our city is in Northern Norway, above the arctic circle. A tourist comes in.)

    Tourist: “Sir, can you tell when the Midnight sun goes down?”

    Me: “Well it actually doesn’t, that the point. It’s up all night.”

    Tourist: “I see. Thanks.”

    (She leaves with an expression telling me that she really doesn’t. The following day she comes back looking annoyed.)

    Tourist: “You lied to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry madam I don’t understand?”

    Tourist: “I was up all night, and there was no midnight sun. Just the normal one I can see all day!”

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