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    Archive for 2010

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    Smoking Rate Gets Smokers Irate

    | Tennessee, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “I have a smoking fee on my bill but I didn’t smoke in the room!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, the security officer last night saw you with a lit cigarette in your hand when he went to your room last night.”

    Customer: “Well, it wasn’t me! I didn’t smoke last night!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but if anyone smoked in the room last night we have to charge you for it since it was your room.”

    Customer: “But even if it wasn’t me?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Security said that someone was smoking in the room.”

    Customer: “But I put it out right away! I didn’t smoke any more after that!”

    Me: “So you did actually smoke in the room then?”

    Customer: “Can I just pay half the fee since I only smoked half the cigarette?”

    Free Cop Holder With Drink

    | Durham, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Top

    (A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

    Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

    Customer: “What! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

    Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

    Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

    Me: “So you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

    Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

    Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”

    How To Address The Proof Of Address

    | New Jersey, USA | Books & Reading, Underaged

    Me: “Okay, for a library card I need ID the verifies your address.”

    Patron: *recites address*

    Me: “I need proof that is your address, like your ID or a bill.”

    Patron: *recites address again*

    Me: “I’m sorry. I need proof.”

    (The patron walks away and comes back with another patron.)

    Patron: “Will you please tell this lady where I live to prove it?”

    They’ll Never Survive Welsh

    | Manchester, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (A tourist is in line to get a ticket.)

    Tourist: “Can I have a ticket to Loogahgbaroogah?”

    Me: “Sorry, where?”

    Tourist: “Loogahbaroogah.”

    Me: Sir, there is no rail station in the UK called Loogahbaroogah.”

    Tourist: “But…”

    Me: “Did you mean Loughbrough?” (It’s pronounced ‘Luffbruh’)

    (The tourist gets his ticket and walks off, followed by the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “It’s a good job he didn’t want my ticket. Return to Llanelli, please.”

    America, Land Of The Not-So-Free

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”

    Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”

    Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”

    Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”

    Me: “I can charge you $16 US Dollars for the anti-virus.”

    Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”


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