Guest: “So, is this hotel open 24 hours?”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
Guest: “Really?”
Me: “Yes, otherwise we would have to kick everyone out at 11 pm so we could go home.”
This story is part of our Weird Hotel Guests roundup!
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(I work as an educator in a Native American village. I am with a group of pre-schoolers.)
Me: “Believe it or not, the Lenape used to tie their babies to a board and hang them in a tree so the foxes wouldn’t get them!”
Child #1: “Do they still do that?”
Me: “No, they live just like we do today and don’t need to.”
Child #2: “That’s not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad.”
This story is part of our Hilarious-Kids roundup!
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Read the Hilarious-Kids roundup!
This story is part of our Native-American roundup.
(A number comes across the screen with the same area code as my hometown.)
Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I was wondering if you could give me the number for the store in [Town #1]? I live over in [Town #2].”
Me: “Sure thing. So, you live in [Town #2]? I grew up there. I just graduated in ’06.”
Customer: “Oh, wow! What a small world! I graduated in ’82.”
Me: “That’s awesome. Okay, that number is [number].”
Customer: “Thanks! Wow, 1906… that’s incredible.”
Me: “Um, I graduated in 2006, not 1906.”
Customer: “Oh, no wonder you sound so young!”
(We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)
Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”
(The customer pushes a £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)
Customer: “I want £10 back.”
Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”
Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?
Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”
Customer: “I don’t have a debit card. Can’t you do it anyway?”
Me: “No. Cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”
Customer: “I don’t understand.”
Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”
Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”
This story is part of the More-Customers-Bad-With-Money roundup!
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Read the More-Customers-Bad-With-Money roundup!
(I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. Will this be for dine-in, take out, or delivery?”
Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”
Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra-large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”
Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”
Me: “No, sir.”
Customer: “Awesome!”
