(I am the assistant manager at a store that specializes in adult videos and toys.)

Customer: “How did you end up here, anyway?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “How did you end up working here?”

Me: “I applied?”

Customer: “No, I mean, what’s an innocent little girl like you doing working at a place like this?”

Me: “Well, you know how people who love animals work at pet stores?”

(The customer has a moment of realization and becomes clearly flustered.)

Customer: “Oh…well, excuse me.” *leaves hurriedly*

(A customer brings in his computer for service. While discussing his options, I mistakenly refer to a service that is twice as expensive as what he actually needs. He chooses a lesser service, signs his computer in, and leaves. After realizing the mistake, I find him still in the store.)

Me: “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that I misquoted the service, and we can actually do what you originally wanted, for the same price as the lesser service. I’m very sorry for the mistake.”

Customer: “Ah, that’s great! I’m glad I didn’t listen to the voice in my head.”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Customer: “The voice told me to rip your throat out when you told me the first price.”

Me: *nervous laughter* “Well, now you get the service you originally wanted, and I get to keep my throat.”

Customer: *narrows eyes* “For now, yes.”

This story is part of the Even-Stranger-Customers roundup!

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(Our store phone rings. A customer answers it before I can get to it.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “I’m sorry, that is the store phone. Please hand it over to me.”

Customer: “Go away! I’m trying to have a conversation here!”

(I step forward to take the phone away. I hear talking from the other end of the phone.)

Caller: “Why, hello there! Can I order some tampons, some birth control pills, and a thong?”

(Both the customer and caller are male. The customer gets embarrassed and thrusts the phone into my hands.)

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. What would you like?”

Caller: “Oh good, that idiot’s gone. Do you have any Metallica CDs in stock?”

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. That will be $26.50.”

Customer: “Wait just a minute. That isn’t my stereo.”

Me: “Actually, it is your stereo. The serial number is right here and it matches.”

Customer: “This isn’t the stereo I brought in to be fixed. It looks all different. What did you do to it?”

Me: “We cleaned it.”

Customer: “Oh…ah…thanks!”

This story is part of the Customers-That-Make-You-Want-To-Back-Up-themed roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Strange Stories About Customer Conspiracy Theorists

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Guest: “So, is this hotel open 24 hours?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Guest: “Really?”

Me: “Yes, otherwise we would have to kick everyone out at 11 pm so we could go home.”

This story is part of our Weird Hotel Guests roundup!

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