(I am running the lights for a concert. The listing online shows the doors open at 6:30 and the music starts at 9. A woman approaches me at my console.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know when each band is on?”

Me: “Yes I do, which band are you interested in?”

Customer: “Did I already miss ‘The Doors’ play, or are they going to be on stage later on tonight?”

Me: “Um. I think you may have missed your opportunity to see ‘The Doors’ play by a little while.”

(I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs when I get a tap on the back from behind from a student.)

Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

Me: “No, he was the Vice President during the Bush Administration.”

Student: *blank look*

Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

Student: “Oh my God, he what! Wait, what’s a quail?”

Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

Me: “To eat?”

Student: “That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Where do you think chicken’s come from!?”

Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”