(I am working as a barista in a small coffee shop in a mall, located right next to the escalators. There’s a large window between the shop and the escalators, so I can see people going up and down. I’m having a very good day and making espresso when all of the sudden the escalators stop. A very stressed woman comes running around the corner, looking very angry.)

Customer: *waving with both hands* “Will you stop that!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh my God! I have my shopping cart in the escalators and it’s my sons birthday! Turn it back on!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t fix the escalator. There will probably be a service man her any minute.”

Customer: “I saw you pressing the buttons on that machine!” *points to the espresso machine* “You were laughing and then the escalator stopped. And now my son is stuck. It’s his birthday!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is an espresso machine. It makes coffee. I laughed because I’m in a good mood. There will be someone her soon to–”

Customer: “Then make another coffee, and start it again! And wipe that smile off your face!”

Related:
Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

(I work at a historic site from the American Civil War. I am talking to a 7-year old child.)

Small Child: “Who shot President Lincoln?”

Me: “He was shot by a Southern sympathizer named John Wilkes Booth.”

Small Child: “But why did he want to kill the president?”

Me: “Well, the North and the South were at war, and Booth thought that if he killed President Lincoln, it might help the South win.”

Small Child: “Oh…so were you here when it happened?”

(This is at a midnight showing when a new Star Wars movie was released.)

Me: "When the doors open please go in and take your seats. You will not be allowed to save seats for people further back in line."

(Customer waves his hand in the air like a Jedi.)

Customer: "You will let us save seats."

(I work on a ride with a height restriction of 1.3 metres, and I have just rejected a young girl who was well under the restriction when her father storms up to me.)

Customer: “Why the h*** did you say my daughter couldn’t come on your ride? She’s been queuing for nearly an hour!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the height restrictions are clearly stated in the brochure that you’re holding and at the beginning of the queuing area for the ride.”

Customer: “I’ve paid for her to come into this park and you’re telling me she can’t go on the rides?”

Me: “Sir, there are plenty of rides that she can go on that have lower height restrictions, but unfortunately she’s too small for this one.”

Customer: “Well, she was tall enough last year!”