(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)
Customer: “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”
Me:“I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”
Customer: “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”
Me: “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”
Customer:“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”
Me:“Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”
Customer:“Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”
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Me: “Hello, can I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”
Me: “$38.99.”
Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”
Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”
Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”
Me: “A what?”
Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”
Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”
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Customer: “Why won’t the door open?”
Me: “It opens like a normal door. It’s not automatic.”
Customer: “I don’t get it.”
Me: “Give it a push.”
(The customer backs up and tries to ‘activate’ the door again.)
Customer: “It won’t open!”
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Me: “Ma’am, would you like a bag to carry any of these items?”
Customer: “No, I’m an environmentalist. I don’t want to add to destroy our environment.”
Me: “Ma’am, security for this store requests that everyone at least receive a bag to know that you’ve bought items here.”
Customer: “You can’t tell me that I have to take a bag and I won’t have it. I refuse to contribute to the garbage problem!”
Me: “Fine, would you like to keep these hangers that your clothes came with?”
Customer: “No, just throw them out.”
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(I am working behind the concession stand on Thanksgiving day.)
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “Can I buy some of that food over there?”
(They point to the employee’s Thanksgiving food we have to eat between shows.)
Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry it’s not for sale.”
Customer: “Why not? That’s ridiculous.”
Me: “Our families brought us that food for Thanksgiving since we have to be here instead of celebrating with them. I can’t sell it to you.”
Customer: “You’re so selfish!”
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(I watch as a customer unfolds every single shirt at a table, holds it up, and then puts it back. She walks to the next table and I begin refolding the shirts.)
Customer: “Oh, wow!”
Me: “Is something wrong, ma’am?”
Customer: “No, nothing. I just didn’t realize they got real people to fold the shirts!”
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1,854 Thumbs Up!)
(My friends and I are going door to door collecting cans for a food drive at our church.)
Me: “Hello, we are collecting cans of food for [church]. Would you like to donate?”
Teenage Girl: “So you guys take cans. What about pop cans?”
Me: “No, we only take canned foods.”
Teenage Girl: “Are you sure? I have some pop cans I don’t need.”
Me: “No, we only accept canned foods.”
Teenage Girl: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”
(The girl closes the door and bangs around inside for a couple minutes. Then she opens the door with a handful of cans.)
Teenage Girl: “Here are the cans. I grabbed some pop cans too.”
(We look at the cans she gave us, and realize that they are all empty.)
Teenage Girl: *to her mom* “I took out the recycling, Mom!”
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(The head of a department wants her word processor upgraded to the latest version.)
Manager: *on phone* “Okay, I’ll send Jeff over to upgrade you. Please back up all your documents, because he’s going to delete the existing version and install the new one.”
(I go to her office.)
Me: “Hi, I’m here to upgrade [word processor] for you. Have you backed up your documents?”
Customer: “Of course I have.”
Me: “Great!”
(I wipe out the existing directory and install the new version. A few minutes before I get back to the faculty computing center, the phone rings.)
Customer: on phone “Where are all my letters and papers? They’re all gone!”
Manager: “Jeff says you backed up your documents.”
Customer: “Well, I didn’t know what you guys meant by that. I didn’t want to look stupid, so I said yes.”
Related:
PEBCAK, Episode III
PEBCAK, Episode II
Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard
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1,948 Thumbs Up!)
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