(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

(The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”