(A customer walks up to our cell phone store looking very frustrated.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have charges on my bill for text messaging, but I have unlimited texting. Why did you charge me?”

Me: “Ok, well let me look up your account and take a look.”

(I look up the account and notice that he activated his service two weeks ago and doesn’t have a balance yet.)

Me: “Sir, your balance right now is at $0.00. You don’t owe us anything yet.”

Customer: “Yeah, you said I do! You sent me a text message about it!”

(He pulls out his phone and shows me a text that says he owes $29.95 worth of texting to premium girls-chat website.)

Me: “We haven’t charged you, but that company charges you if you use their…services.”

Customer: “So I have to pay 29 bucks?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Well I’m going to delete her from my phone then, because she’s really expensive!”

(A young boy walks in. It is February.)

Me: “Hello, is there something I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Hi, do you remember me?”

Me: “No, sir, not really.”

Customer: “C’mon, you’re going to tell me you don’t remember me? Remember, I came during the summer! Oh, I know why!” *takes off hat* “How about now?”

Me: “Sorry, still nothing. Is there anything I can help you find though?”

Customer: “No, I just came in to see if you remembered me.” *walks out dejected*

Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”

Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”

(I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)

Customer: “Hmm…” *types ‘No’*

Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”

Me: “Alright, is that everything, ma’am?”

Customer: “I have a question.”

(The customer holds up two packages of sliced ham.)

Customer: “Does this have any pork in it?”

Me: “Um, well, yes. Ham is a pork product.”

Customer: “Both of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’m not getting them. I thought maybe you had the kind of ham that had turkey in it.”

Related:
Not To La-Boar The Point

Customer: “So, I have two hosting packages from you?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Are these packages 500 megabytes each?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “So, that’s like 1,000 megabytes?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “Is that like a gigabyte?”

Me: “Well, yeah, I guess. Almost.”

*short silence*

Customer: “D***, am I big!”

(An angry-looking man storms up to me with his camera still around his neck.)

Customer: “I’d like to file a complaint!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that sir. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Why don’t you call some of your maintenance men to get out in the park and mow the grass?”

Me: (Assuming he means a lawn area, as this is a national park.) “Where did you mean, sir?”

(The customer names one of the park’s prime visitation spot, which is famous for its inner fields.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the grass is kept long to provide habitats and protection for the animals in the park.”

Customer:”Why the h*** would you do that? Don’t hide them! I paid money to come take pictures of them! The animals are here for me to take pictures of!”