Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [coffee company]. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “I need an ‘E’.”
(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)
Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”
Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [famous lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”
(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)
Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”
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2,931 Thumbs Up!)
Pizza | Pennsylvania, USA |
Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”
Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”
Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”
(About 10 minutes go by…)
Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”
Same customer: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”
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2,242 Thumbs Up!)
Farm | Shelton, WA, USA |
(A customer walks up to my berry stand and motions at a pack of strawberries.)
Me: “Hello, sir. A pack is $11.”
Customer: *hands me a dollar bill*
Me: “Sorry, it’s $11 sir.”
Customer:*hands me another dollar and looks at me expectantly*
Me: “Well, I just need nine more of these.”
Customer:*hands me another dollar bill*
Me: “We’re getting there. Eight more.”
Customer: *looks at me, confused, then walks away*
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3,352 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”
Customer: “Yes, do you have any scallions?”
Me: “Oh yes, we do. They’re right here.”
Customer: “No, not spring onions, scallions!”
Me: “The two are the same thing. They just have different names.”
Customer: “But do you have any scallions?”
Me: “They’re right here!”
Customer: “Those aren’t scallions, those are spring onions!”
Me: “Give me a moment, let me check outside for you.”
(I go out to the prep room, pick up a crate of spring onions, turn over the ticket and write ‘SCALLIONS’ on the front.)
Me: “Here we are, the last box.”
Customer: “Fantastic! Thank you so much!”
(The customer filed a positive comment about me, and I got a pay rise!)
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6,156 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, I bought tickets online, but my printer doesn’t work.”
Me: “Okay. Well, if you want, you can print it out here.”
Customer: “Well, I actually brought my laptop.”
(He shows me his laptop with the tickets on the screen.)
Customer: “Can I get in with this?”
Me: “Yeah, here are your wristbands.”
Customer: “Okay thanks. Do I have to show my laptop at the gate or can I put it away?”
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2,114 Thumbs Up!)
(Two teenage customers ask if I can find a film for a school project.)
Customer #1: “Hi, do you have Casablanca?”
Me: “Sure.” *I fetch the film*
Customer #1: “Oh, it’s black and white?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer #2: “That’s no good! We don’t have a black and white TV, only color!”
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3,169 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, yes. I just got back from surgery and I can’t remember my email password.”
Me: “Sure, I’ll be glad to help. Let me pull up your account and we can reset your password.”
(We proceed with a very routine process of setting a new email password. About halfway through, she bursts out laughing.)
Customer: “I’m sorry. My coworkers just handed me a card congratulating me on the new twins. I guess you can tell what kind of surgery I had, huh?”
Me: “I gu–”
Customer: “I’ve got BOOBS!”
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2,929 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept $50 bills. It’s against our security policy.”
Customer: “When the h*** did this happen?”
Me: “Two years ago, ma’am.”
Customer: “I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill.”
Me: “Ma’am, our register wouldn’t allow us to enter $100 bills. Do you happen to have a credit card?”
Customer: “What’s your name! I want to speak with your manager!”
Manager: “What’s the problem?”
Customer: “Your staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept a $50 bill. I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill!”
Manager: “I was on register all last week, ma’am, and I would have told you the same thing. It’s against our policy to accept bills $50 or larger.”
Customer: “FINE!” *rips the bill in half* “HOW ABOUT NOW?”
Related:
Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough
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2,538 Thumbs Up!)
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