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    Archive for 2009

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    The Funny Pharm-acy

    | United Kingdom |

    (I work in a shopping mall. On my lunch break, I visit the pharmacy. A woman runs into me.)

    Customer: “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”

    Me: “In my cupboard.”

    Customer: “How dare you talk to me that way! I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Oh, so now you’re going to get into trouble, it’s ‘I don’t work here’, eh?”

    Me: *pointing to the company logo on my shirt* “No, I genuinely do not work here. I work in [shop name], see?”

    Customer: “So you don’t wear your uniform either? Where’s your manager?” *turns to make-up counter employee* “Are you her manager, missy?”

    Make-up Counter Employee: “Yes, yes I am.” *turns to me, winking* “Don’t do that again.”

    Customer: “Thank you! See, now I can shop here again!” *to make-up counter employee* “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”

    Trial By Telephone Wire

    | New Brunswick, Canada |

    Caller: “I keep getting calls from you people and I want them to stop!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what are the calls regarding?”

    Caller: “I don’t know! They say they want to verify who they’re calling?”

    Me: “Is it as though the caller doesn’t know who they’re calling?”

    Caller: “Yes, and I want them to stop”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can certainly connect you to our do-not-call line. All you have to do is listen to the prompt and hit the appropriate key.”

    (The caller continues to goes on tirade, which turns out to be a different company than the one I work for. Literally every second word is a curse. I finally decide to cut in and stop her.)

    Me: *very politely* “Ma’am, you’re calling [my company]. We have nothing to do with [other company] and any calls they might be giving you. However, I would be happy to get you the phone number for [other company] if you would wait a moment.”

    Caller: *pauses a moment* “Oh…oh my gosh. I am so sorry! You…were so nice! Why were you so nice to me? I was swearing at you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ve worked at three different call centers, and nothing will ever compare to what people called me in tech support.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. That makes sense!”

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (At a large chain grocery store, we have run out of room in the back room. We’ve placed five or six pallets of pop up near our exit, and to keep people away from them we have placed caution tape around them. A customer comes up to me as I’m talking to my coworker.)

    Customer: “Get my son down!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer:“My son is climbing on your playground, so make him come down!”

    Me: “Miss, we don’t have a playground! What are you talking about?”

    (The customer leads us to her son who looks to be around five and is playing on the pallets.)

    Customer: “I left him on your playground when I came in, and now he won’t come down!”

    Me: “Please, those are stacks of pop and much too dangerous! You need to get your son down now!”

    Customer: “No! It’s your playground and I don’t want to climb around the rope! You get him!”

    Me, to coworker: “Get the manager.”

    (I go over and after about three or four minutes of bribing him with stickers, I get him to come down. By this time, the manager has arrived.)

    Customer, to manager: “You shouldn’t make your playground so tall!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. We will fix it.”

    Customer: “Hmph! I should hope so!”

    (About an hour later, my manager comes by, gives me a gift card and another roll of caution tape to put up.)

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2

    | Wyoming, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)

    Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”

    Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”

    Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”

    Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving…you are going to cause another accident.”

    Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver, how dare you imply that I’m not?! I’m just trying to get home…why are you being so rude?! I will have your badge, you little b****!”

    Me: “Ma’am if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”

    Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”

    Driver: “Fine!”

    (With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)

    Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed?!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy

    They Grow Up Too Fast

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    (A customer and his four-year old daughter are checking out.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else?”

    (The customer looks at the lollipop stand on the counter, then looks down at his daughter.)

    Customer, to child: “What would you like?”

    Child: “A BMW!”

    Related:
    They Grow Up So Fast

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