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    Archive for 2009

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    Christmas Is All Pope & Circumstance

    | Westlake, CA, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon, thank you for calling [church's name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know why the time of the Christmas Eve mass was changed.”

    Me: “There was a scheduling conflict with the Christmas Carol Concert. I’m sorry if it’s caused an inconvenience for you.”

    Customer: “It has. Many of them.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry.”

    Customer: “You’ll change it back, then?”

    Me: “Um, no. See, there’s still the scheduling conflict.”

    Customer: “But I have plans at the mass’s new time! I need you to change it back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m really not in charge of that decision.”

    Customer: “I am not getting off the phone until you change it back.”

    Me: “There really isn’t anything I can do for you. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Have you called the Pope and told him about this? Call the Pope and tell him that your priests have changed the mass time. He’ll fix it.”

    Me: “I actually don’t have his number on me.”

    Customer: “I’ll hold.”

    Even Santa Has To Read His List (And Check It Twice)

    | Australia |

    (I’m working in layby (AKA layaways) and dealing with the Christmas shopping rush.)

    Customer: “Can I organize delivery for this item?”

    Me: “We can, but we can’t guarantee it will arrive before Christmas because you didn’t pay it off by the 1st.”

    Customer: “What? Are you trying to ruin Christmas? My grandchildren will cry and find out there is no Santa. Nobody told me I had to pay it off by then!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, all the terms and conditions of the layby were printed on your receipt…” *I point it out on the receipt* “See, right here, above where you signed to say that accepted them.”

    Customer: “But nobody TOLD me to read them!”

    Cashier Almighty

    | Southlake, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Where’s your peanut butter?”

    Me: “Aisle 5, just past the bread.”

    Customer: “Thanks, man…”

    (20 minutes later, I’m also called up to work as a cashier. The customer comes through my line.)

    Me: “Did you find it alright?”

    Customer: “Weren’t you just over in like… five places?”

    Me: “About there, yeah.”

    Customer: “Are you God?!”

    Sweet (Tea) Out Of (Pot) Luck

    , | Tennessee, USA |

    (We are having our annual Christmas party/potluck dinner one Sunday night at our fast food restaurant. I’ve placed signs showing we are closed and have blocked off the drive thru. One of my fellow employees notices a man standing at the counter.)

    Me: “Hi sir, can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “I have been standing here for five minutes and I haven’t been helped! Give me a number one with a sweet tea.”

    Me: “Well, we are closed on Sundays. This is our Christmas Party.”

    Customer: “Closed? All the lights are on!”

    Me: “Well, we need them for the party.”

    Customer: “I have never heard of such a thing. So I can’t get that number one?”

    Me: “No sir, all of our machines are off. We are closed.”

    Customer: “What about a sweet tea?”

    Me: “Sir, we are closed. We don’t have anything we can give to customers.”

    (The customer sees our buffet-style employee potluck.)

    Customer: “Well, can I get a plate?”

    Deafening Silence

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “It’s so loud in here!”

    Me: “I know right? Christmas is crazy for us every year.”

    Customer: “It’s so loud, why do people have to talk so loudly?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, it’s just because there’s so many people.”

    Customer: “Forget this! I’m turning off my hearing aid. You guys should really try to keep the noise level down.”

    Me: “Right you are sir! If that’ll be all, your total is ***.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Your total, sir? It’s ***.”

    Customer: “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”


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