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    Archive for 2009

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    Not On The Cutting Edge

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (I receive the following call while working at a home decor store.)

    Me: “Hello, [store name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have table pads?”

    Me: “Yes, we have custom ones, and we have ones you can buy here and cut yourself to fit your table.”

    Customer: “Okay, how much are the ones you cut?”

    Me: “$12.97.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll be in. Thanks.”

    (A little while passes and the caller comes in.)

    Customer: Hi, I called about the table pads. Could you show me where they are?

    Me: “Sure, they’re right over here.” *takes them to the pads*

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. I need it to be 14 by 11, so when are you going to cut it?”

    Me: “I don’t cut it in the store. You have to cut it at home to fit your table.”

    Customer: “You said you cut it here!”

    Me: “No, I said you cut it yourself to fit the table.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to do that!”

    Me: “You just lay it on the table and cut around the shape of the table.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to use to cut it?! I don’t have a special table pad cutting machine!”

    Me: “How about scissors?”

    Customer: “Oh…okay, I’ll take it.”

    Information Underload

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, just slide your card and either select credit or enter your PIN.”

    Customer: “It says credit. This is a debit.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. Just enter your PIN for debit.”

    Customer: “But it says credit!”

    Me: “I know, just put in your PIN like on any debit machine.”

    Customer: “But the button on the screen says credit!”

    (Seeing no end to this conversation, I put my hand over the screen and block her view of it.)

    Me: “Okay, now enter your PIN.”

    (She does so, and not surprisingly her groceries are paid for.)

    A Wii Bit Confused

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (A customer hands me a Wii accessory.)

    Customer: “Do I need this?”

    Me: “Not really. That’s up to you, how often do you play with your Wii?”

    Customer: “Do I have a Wii?”

    Me: “I don’t know, do you?”

    Customer: “…oh…” *wanders off*

    In Search Of Holy Handouts

    | Virginia, USA |

    Caller: “Hey…I need y’all to come out to [motel] and take me to the airport.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.”

    Caller: “Oh, and bring forty-five dollars.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I cannot come pick you up.”

    Caller: “What? I just came to your crummy town for a weekend and now I gotta get back home. Why the hell aren’t you helping me? I just need a ride and forty-five dollars!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I can’t.”

    Caller: “Ain’t y’all a church? Why don’t you get off your lazy a** and come get me?”

    Me: “Sir, I am not accustomed to meeting strange men at motels.”

    Caller: “Well, it’s obvious YOU ain’t a Christian!”

    The Show Must Go On

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    (We’ve paused a film 10 minutes before the end because a customer’s pulse has stopped. Fortunately, there’s a doctor in another movie who is able to help out before the ambulance arrives.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, you stopped the movie. I wanted to see how it ended.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ll continue the movie when the ambulance leaves. Someone almost died.”

    Customer: “But we paid for our tickets. We deserve to see how it ends!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll just have to wait. We will continue the film as soon as we can.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You stopped the film. We paid to see the whole thing.”

    Me: “No, we’re going to continue the film where it left off as soon as we’re sure this man’s life isn’t in danger. We had to stop so the EMTs could do their job.”

    Customer: “Could we get a refund?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a refund because you’ll get to see the rest of the film if you wait. Refunds are only for situations where we can’t continue the film.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I wanted to see how it ended!”

    Me: “Well, if you wait about 20 minutes I’m sure the EMTs will have had enough time and you can finish your movie. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this theater. We’re leaving!”

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