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    Archive for 2009

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    Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

    Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

    Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

    Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

    (She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

    Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

    Plastic, Scamtastic

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Three sandwiches.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    Customer: “Umm… what’s that kind?” *points at a sign behind me*

    (I turn around to see what he’s talking about. When I turn back around, I see the man taking off out the side door with our display sandwich.)

    Me: “Good luck eating your plastic sandwich!”

    How About We Toilet Paper Your Lawn Instead

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    (Some landscapers are helping landscape our lawn. I’m also helping them move stuff when my neighbor comes over.)

    Neighbor: “Hey, can you guys come over and help clean up some of our lawn?”

    Landscaper: “No, we’re busy working over here.”

    Neighbor: “It won’t take more than a couple of minutes. Just come in here, replace the grass with their sod, plant some extras, that’s all!”

    Landscaper: “You mean redo your landscape?”

    Neighbor: “Yeah, it won’t take too long. They’re not gonna notice!”

    Landscaper: “I’m pretty sure he’ll notice since he actually lives here and is helping us.” *points at me*

    Me: “Hi there!” *waves*

    Neighbor: *retreats to her house*

    Just, Like, Smile And Nod

    | Delafield, WI, USA |

    (A bubbly teenager walks up to the counter with a roll of film in her hand.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Teenage customer: “Like, how long does it, like, take to do one hour photo?”

    Me: “About 60 minutes.”

    Teenage customer: “Really?! Like, oh my gawd! That’s, like, so totally cool! Wait ’til I tell my mom it’s, like, totally not gonna take an hour!”

    Me: *smiles*

    Where We Keep The Gold Label S’Mores

    | Hugo, MN, USA |

    (It was a beautiful night and everyone was having bonfires. A group of teenage girls walk in.)

    Girl: “Hi, do you guys have any marshmallows?”

    Me: *looks around* “Sorry, looks like we’re all out.”

    Girl: “But what if you REALLY need them?”

    (I turned towards my coworker.)

    Me: “My God…”

    Coworker: “It’s time. Get out your key.”

    (We then started pretending that we had a top-secret marshmallow stash behind the counter.)

    Me: “Do you think the retina scan is going to work with my contacts in?”

    (The girl finally realized that we were blatantly making fun of her and quickly left with her friends. The secret stash became an instant classic at our gas-station.)

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