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Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2

| Richmond, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(This was back in August of 2008, and I was just starting as a volunteer for the Barack Obama campaign.)

Me: “Hi I’m calling on behalf of the Barack Obama Campaign for Change. Is [name] there?”

Caller: “Barack Obama?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Who’s he?”

Me: “A candidate.”

Caller: “For what?”

Me: “President.”

Caller: “President of what?”

Me: “…the United States?”


Me: “No, I’m just a volunteer.”

Caller: “Oh okay. So go ahead, ask me the questions.”

Me: “So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Candidate for what?

Me: “The United States.”

Caller: “Oh, the election is this year?”

Me: “Yes. So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Well, I guess Obama, since he’s calling me.”

Me: “Alright, good.”

Caller: “Is he there?”

Me: “Um… no, not right now.”

Caller: “But I read on the news he’s supposed to be in Virginia.”

Me: “Yeah, but not in Richmond.”

Caller: “Oh, when will he get back?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

Caller: “Okay. Well, when he gets back, have him give me a call!”

Me:“Uh… okay.”

Caller: “You need the number?”

Me: “No, sir, I’ve got it.”

Caller: “Okay, he’d better call me and tell me to vote for him!”

Our Great Dumbocracy

Food Chain Brain Drain

| Oregon, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

| Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

(This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

Customer: “O. M. G.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I get them?”

Me: “Um, who?”

Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

Me: “…”

If You Can’t Beat Them, Annoy Them

| Missouri, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer had demanded a supervisor, and I was the supervisor who took this call.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hi, my name is ****, supervisor on the floor, how may I help you?”

Customer: “My internet is down and I need it up now! Your stupid agent told me I have an appointment for tomorrow morning! What YOU need to do is give me one today!”

(I check the schedule and there is nothing available.)

Me: “I do apologize ma’am, but it seems that we don’t have anyone available for today. But, it looks like we have someone coming out tomorrow morn–”

Customer: “I don’t care about tomorrow! I want someone today! Either you cancel someone else’s appointment and give me one today, or I will stay on this phone until you decide to! And I know you can’t hang up on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you’re frustrated, but there is no way for me to get you an appointment today.”

Customer: “Well, I guess it sucks for you then, huh? I’m not hanging up this phone.”

Me: “Even if you stay on, it won’t change the appointments. We are overbooked today.”

Customer: “Well, I guess you’re not getting anything done today! Since I can’t do anything, you won’t either. Your work will never be done!”

Me: “OK, you can stay on the phone. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Horrible!”

Me: “I’m doing fine myself.”

Customer: “…so when’s my appointment for tomorrow?”