(This is back in August of 2008. I am just starting as a volunteer for the Barack Obama campaign.)

Me: “Hi I’m calling on behalf of the Barack Obama Campaign for Change. Is [Caller] there?”

Caller: “Barack Obama?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Who’s he?”

Me: “A candidate.”

Caller: “For what?”

Me: “President.”

Caller: “President of what?”

Me: “…the United States?”

Caller: “I’M TALKING TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?”

Me: “No, I’m just a volunteer.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Go ahead, ask me the questions.”

Me: “So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Candidate for what?

Me: “The President of the United States.”

Caller: “Oh, the election is this year?”

Me: “Yes. So which candidate do you support?”

Caller: “Well, I guess Obama, since he’s calling me.”

Me: “All right, good.”

Caller: “Is he there?”

Me: “Um… no, not right now.”

Caller: “But I read on the news he’s supposed to be in Virginia.”

Me: “Yeah, but not in Richmond.”

Caller: “Oh, when will he get back?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

Caller: “Okay. Well, when he gets back, have him give me a call!”

Me: “Uh… okay.”

Caller: “You need the number?”

Me: “No, sir, I’ve got it.”

Caller: “Okay, he’d better call me and tell me to vote for him!”

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(I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead of a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

Me: “Wait… if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

(This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

Customer: “O. M. G.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I get them?”

Me: “Um, who?”

Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

Me: “…”

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(The customer has demanded a supervisor, and I am the supervisor who takes this call.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hi, my name is [My Name], supervisor on the floor. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My Internet is down and I need it up now! Your stupid agent told me I have an appointment for tomorrow morning! What YOU need to do is give me one today!”

(I check the schedule and there is nothing available.)

Me: “I do apologize, ma’am, but it seems that we don’t have anyone available for today. But, it looks like we have someone coming out tomorrow morn–”

Customer: “I don’t care about tomorrow! I want someone today! Either you cancel someone else’s appointment and give me one today, or I will stay on this phone until you decide to! And I know you can’t hang up on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you’re frustrated, but there is no way for me to get you an appointment today.”

Customer: “Well, I guess it sucks for you then, huh? I’m not hanging up this phone.”

Me: “Even if you stay on, it won’t change the appointments. We are overbooked today.”

Customer: “Well, I guess you’re not getting anything done today! Since I can’t do anything, you won’t either. Your work will never be done!”

Me: “Okay, you can stay on the phone. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Horrible!”

Me: “I’m doing fine myself.”

Customer: “…so when’s my appointment for tomorrow?”

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(I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

Female Customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

Female Customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Female Customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

Female Customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

(She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”