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    Archive for 2009

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    This Barter Be A Good Deal

    , | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Me: “OK, so this suit will be $500.”

    Customer: “Oh wow – that’s way too much. Can you take the price down?”

    Me: “No sir, I can’t do anything about the price.”

    Customer: “Well…how about I give you my watch?”

    Me: “…are you serious? I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “How about my watch?”

    Me: “All right. You give me your watch, two of your daughters, a goat and a chicken, and the suit is yours.”

    Customer: “OK, deal!”

    (The customer walked out of the store. He never came back.)

    The Scenic Route Always Whets The Appetite

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (This lady called to place a to-go order. She gave me a phone number with an odd area code, but I didn’t think much of it until this part of the conversation…)

    Me: *on the phone* “All right, your total comes to $47.92 and it should be ready in 15 minutes. You know this is the store at **** and **** in front of the mall, right?”

    Caller: “What? I’ve never heard of those street names. How do I get there?”

    Me: “Well, if you can tell me the closest intersection to you, I can give you directions…”

    Caller: “I’m at **** and ****.”

    Me: “…ma’am, what city are you in?”

    Caller: “…Little Rock…”

    Me: “Arkansas?!”

    Caller: “What other state would I be in?”

    Me: “We’re in Texas. I’m thinking you’re going to want to order from a location closer to you.”

    Caller: “I don’t know. Where in Texas are you, exactly?”

    The Grim Reaper Goes Shopping

    | Hadley, MA, USA |

    (I am stocking our stationary section, and a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Do you sell condolence cards?”

    Me: “No. Perhaps try Target or Walmart?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for them in bulk.”

    Fast Times At Fry Cook High

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

    Me: “… what?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

    Me: “Why?”

    Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

    Me: “Alright, then.”

    (The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

    Cook: “Yes?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

    Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

    Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Be Prepared… For Some Womanly Advice

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (Note: I’m a teenager and doing Girl Scout fund raising by bagging at a local grocery store. All the other lanes had baggers, leaving me at self-check out. A customer notices me reaching for his items.)

    Customer: “I… uh… please… uh… DON’T!”

    (I notice his purchase consists of condoms, roses, and chocolates.)

    Me: “Oh! So, anniversary, or did you just piss her off?”

    Customer: “The second.”

    Me: “That bad, eh?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and she hasn’t given me any since! What kind of bulls*** is that?”

    Me: “When did this start happening?”

    Customer: “Like a week ago! I don’t even know what I did wrong!”

    Me: “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for these?” *holds up the box of condoms*

    Customer: *sarcastically* “What would a Girl Scout know anyways? Since you’re the expert, why don’t you tell me what to do?”

    (I talk to the guy for around 15 minutes and he leaves. The next week, he comes in while I’m bagging as usual. Without a word, he comes up to me, hands me a $20 bill and leaves without buying anything.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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