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    Archive for 2009

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    Tall-Size Steps Towards Venti-Size Change

    | Virginia, USA |

    (A regular customer comes through the drive-thru. She’s a difficult person to deal with and we have a new barista on bar tonight.)

    Customer: “My usual, please.”

    (I take her money and keep an eye on our new barista while he makes her tricky drink. He makes it just right. When the barista hands it over to me, she pulls a face suddenly.)

    Customer: “Who’s THAT?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s ****, our newest barista! He took extra care with your drink tonight. I was watching.”

    (I had been watching him make it and knew it was perfect. She then took a sip and made a face.)

    Customer: “Too sweet! Honey, could YOU just make it for me? YOU always get it right.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I go to the bar and pretend to make things next to the new guy, who is really making her drink. Then I walk over and hand the new barista-made beverage out to her.)

    Customer: *sipping* “Mmm! PERFECT! I knew YOU wouldn’t let me down!”

    Me: “Actually, **** made that one, too. I just kept an extra eye on him to make sure it was absolutely perfect, and now he knows exactly how to do it for next time, too!”

    Customer: “….uh… well…it IS a little OFF, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

    Best Bytes In The Bunch

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (An elderly man approaches me to purchase a Mac laptop for his granddaughter.)

    Customer: “Hey, I have some questions about that laptop.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “That laptop is an Apple, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m buying it for my granddaughter, but she’s allergic to apples. Can I get the same one, but in another fruit?”

    Me: “…what? You do know that the laptops aren’t made of apples?”

    Customer: “Then why display only an apple? It should be a selection.”

    Me: “…I’ll get someone to help you.”

    The Logic Is Weak In This One, Part 2

    , | New Jersey, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a fairly high-end video card for a customer.)

    Me: “That’ll be $211.98 please…”

    Customer: “But the display showed it as $49.99.”

    Me: “Are you sure it was this card? This is a fairly new card.”

    Customer: “Yes, I picked it up, and it says the price is $49.99 below it.”

    Me: “Can you show me?”

    (We walk over to the video cards, and he shows me where he picked it up from. The shelf is marked $49.99, and it is the same manufacturer. However, it is a lower end card than the one he is holding.)

    Customer: “See, $49.99!”

    Me: “Sir, that price is not for that video card. You’re holding this one…”

    (I point to another shelf with the video card he picked up; it’s priced at $199.99.)

    Customer: “Well, it was on this shelf, so it was advertised at this price and you have to sell it to me for that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but sometimes customers pick things up and then don’t return them to their proper location.”

    Customer: “That’s not my fault! It was on this shelf, so you should sell it to me for $49.99.”

    Me: “Sir, how do I know it wasn’t you who put it on that shelf? Or for that matter, that it was on that shelf at all?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, do you want the $49.99 one instead?”

    Customer: *defeated* “Yeah…”

    Related:
    The Logic Is Weak In This One

    Sure, But It’ll Make You Yelp

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Tech support, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I have to pay this fee and I need to get to y’all’s website.”

    Me: “Sure, our address is [website URL].”

    Caller: “I don’t want your address. I want to know where to go on my computer.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s the address of our site. All you need to do is type it in your browser’s address bar.”

    Caller: “Oh, so do I stick that in my Google?”

    Brawn Over Brains

    | Virginia, USA |

    (One day at the fitness club I manage, I am called to the front desk of our gym to answer a question for a member.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [fitness club]. Can I help you?”

    Gym member: “Yes, I was wondering if you can teach me to do what they are doing?”

    (The customer gestures to our pool, which has been emptied due to a crack and has several repairmen on the floor trying to fix it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Teach you to do what?”

    Gym member: “To walk on the bottom of the pool like that.”

    Me: “Sir, those gentlemen are repairmen. They are fixing a crack in the pool floor.”

    Gym member: “Oh, so you have to be a repairman to learn how to walk underwater like that?!”


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