(A customer approaches me holding an audio book.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s an audio book.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Well, it’s books read aloud so people can listen to them instead of reading the text.”

(The customer looks horrified.)

Customer: “Do you have more?”

Me: “Oh yes, those shelves behind you there.” *pointing*

Customer: *looking at the rows of audio books* “That’s disgusting! People who can’t read shouldn’t be allowed in libraries anyway! You shouldn’t pander to them!”

Me: “Well, it’s also for people who have low or no vision.”

Customer: “They have no right to books, either!” *storms out*

(It’s late at night and only one manager, another employee, and I are working. I’m manning the drive-thru when a car pulls up.)

Customer: *over speaker* “I just came through the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There was a bite in my sandwich!”

Me: “I’m sorry? Please drive around and I’ll see what I can do.”

Customer: *at window* “What you can do, young lady, is get me a new sandwich.”

Me: “Um, sir, nobody here would have taken a bite of your sandwich. Are you sure it didn’t just break off?”

Customer: “NO! Give me a new sandwich! I just tasted this sandwich and it tasted terrible.”

Me: “Wait – you bit the sandwich after you found a bite?”

Customer: “No, you idiot! I bit the sandwich, and I need another one!”

Me: “…”

(I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and an elderly man just ordered a steak.)

Me: “How would you like your steak, sir?”

Customer: “Alive.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Alive. I want it alive.”

Me: “I’m not sure I get you sir – do you mean rare?”

Customer: “No. Alive! When I poke my fork in, it will have to say ‘MOO!’”

Me: “…I’m not sure we can arrange that for you, sir. It’s impossible.”

Customer: “You’re saying it’s impossible for you to bring a cow in here?”

Me: “That’s right, sir.”

Customer: “OK, I’ll have mine well done then.”