(A customer whose account had been overdrawn for some time calls our bank.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but you’re card was turned off because your account is currently overdrawn $2,000.”

Caller: “But I dont think that you understand. When I get paid, I need to buy food for my children.”

(We are able to reverse some overdraft fees if the situation warrants it. I review the woman’s account to see where her money is going.)

Me: “Ma’am, you said you buy food for your children after each paycheck?”

Caller: “Yes! I need money to buy my children something to eat!”

Me: “So your children eat big-screen TVs and acrylic nails?”

Caller: “You can see where I’m spending money?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We keep records of where you spend your money.”

Caller: *click*

(There was a really long line at the convenience store I work at. A female customer at the back of the line was calling out to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, I’d like to purchase this item.”

Me: “Um…there’s a line of about 10 people in front of you. You have to wait for them.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “This is an outrage! I’m a queen!”

Me: “…of where?”

Customer: “Oompaloompaland!”

Me: “Um…sorry to break it to you, but Oompaloompaland only exists in books.”

Customer: “That’s it!” *storms out*

(A customer and his wife came in to look for a TV to buy.)

Me: “Well, we have this 52″ Toshiba…”

Husband: *to his wife* “Well, bigger is always better. Right, hon?”

Wife: “I wouldn’t know…”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

(On Tuesdays, we have a buy-one-get-one-free deal on medium pizzas. The day this exchange happened was a Thursday.)

Me: “Welcome to ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza please.”

Me: “OK then. Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t here on Tuesday, so I was wondering if I could get my second free pizza today?”

Me: “Well, the deal is only applicable on Tuesdays, so I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Customer: “OK. Well, I won’t be here next Tuesday, so can I get my free one from then?”

Me: “I’m very sorry sir, but the deal on is only available on TUESDAYS.”

Customer: “OK, I’ll be back in a bit to get my pizza.”

(He leaves, then comes back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “So…say I woke up this morning and thought it was Tuesday?”

Me: “…”