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    Archive for 2008

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    Those Oh-So Subtle Distinctions

    | Petoskey, MI, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, is there anything I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need to find a book on rodents.”

    Me: “Rodents?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have some little creature running around my garage and I need to know what it is. I think it might be a vulva.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “You know, it’s small and looks like a mole or a hamster. A vulva.”

    Me: “I think you mean a ‘vole’.”

    Customer: “Oh right, that’s it. Do you have any books on voles?”

    Sue Happy

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to complain. Your store has false advertising. You say you have the cheapest VHS prices in town, and I just came from a store who is selling them cheaper.”

    Me: “Really? Well let me call, and you can call back in 5 minutes, okay?”

    (I call the store & soon she calls back.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    Me: “You are correct, We sell for $5.00 and they’re selling for $4.81.”

    Customer: “Like I said, false advertisement. I could sue.”

    Me: “It’s a $0.19 difference.”

    Customer: “With 4 of those, that would be a dollar!”

    Me: “Correction, that would be $0.76. Would you like to sue me for that complete bill or should be round it up to a whole dollar?”

    Customer: “I will never shop with you again!”

    Me: “There will never be a need.”

    Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead

    | Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA |

    (We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)

    Me: “Hi, all set?”

    Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*

    Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”

    Customer: “But I have MVP.”

    Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”

    (This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)

    Related:
    Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    Listen For The Manager At The End

    , | Illinois, USA |

    (I work at a well known pizza chain; let’s call it Daddy Jim’s.)

    Customer: “I’d like a large sausage and ham pizza and a large Italian Meats Trio.”

    Me: “Alright, your total is $**.**. We’ll have it out there in about 45 minutes.”

    (An hour later as I arrive back from the delivery, the store receives a phone call from the same customer.)

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. I ordered an Italian Meats Trio pizza, and you guys got it wrong.”

    Me: “How did we get it wrong?”

    Customer: “Well, it has sausage, ham, and some other sh*t on it.”

    Me: “Is the ham kind of orange?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Is the sausage peppered and brownish-orange?”

    Customer: “Uh….yeah.”

    Me: “Is the other stuff salami?”

    Customer: “Yeah! What the hell?”

    Me: “Well, the orange ham is Italian ham, the sausage is Italian sausage, and you say there’s Italian salami.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so what?”

    Me: “That’s three Italian meats…Italian Meats Trio.”

    Customer: “Well if I had known that, I wouldn’t have ordered a sausage and ham pizza too!”

    Me: “Well maybe you should have some idea of what you’re ordering before you order it.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you guys tell me?!”

    Me: “Because you ordered it. You didn’t ask about it.”

    Customer: *click*

    My Loud Manager: “F*cking morons! I hate this job!”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Why don’t you have any more??”

    Me: “…because everyone else bought them all.”

    Customer: “BUT WHY??!”

    Me: “I don’t know…maybe for the same reason you want to buy them?”

    Customer: “And what reason is that?!”


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