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    Archive for 2008

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    It’s Gonna Be A Looong Day

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Me: “What kind of computer do you have?”

    Customer: “It’s a Motorola.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I said, it’s Motorola!”

    Me: “Okay…are you running Windows?”

    Customer: “NO, it’s Vista.”

    Me: *long pause* “Oooh-kaaayyy…….”

    The Commute Must Be Out Of This World

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I have just completed a survey with this man and am now asking him for his name, where he lives age etc.)

    Me: “Okay, I just need to ask you a few questions about your demographics. ”

    Man: “Well, would you like like my Earth information or my home planet information?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Man: “Well, like for example: here on earth, I am 45, but on my home planet, I am 270.”

    Me: *not sure if he is serious* “Well, I think that I will take your…Earth…information. It would be most relevant to us.”

    Man: “Actually, I think I will give you both, just in case. That way, if you can’t get ahold of me here, you can try me at my home planet. ”

    (The man proceeded to give me both sets of information, including his Earth name, Andrew, and his other name…Qinjax.)

    Fun With Idle Threats

    | Sao Paulo, Brazil | Top

    Me: “Good afternoon, who am I talking to?”

    Customer: “It’s the tenth time I’m calling in! Please just transfer me already.”

    Me: “Who am I talking to?”

    Customer: “It’s ***. Now transfer me to the right section.”

    Me: “…how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Jesus, are you dumb? I just want you to transfer my call to someone who can actually help me.”

    Me: “I’m not transferring your call until you tell me what’s going on, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It’s my statement. It’s wrong and I want a refund. Now transfer this call.”

    Me: “What’s your cellphone number with the area code?”

    Customer: “Just transfer this already. I’m responsible for your paycheck!”

    *OH SNAP*

    Me: “Alright. Do you have your statement in your hands?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Transfer the call!”

    Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

    *silence*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

    *silence*

    Me: “Does it?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “So you have nothing to do with my paycheck, I guess. Plus, you haven’t paid your last one and I still got my paycheck. Now, can I please check some information before transferring the call?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Yeah, okay…”

    Must Be From The Valley

    | Catalina Island, CA, USA |

    (Let it be known that there are only two ways to get to Catalina Island: by boat or by helicopter.)

    Me: “Hotel *****, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation. And when’s the earliest we can check in?”

    Me: “Normally not until noon but we may be able to make an exception. When is your boat scheduled to arrive.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, were not coming by boat.”

    Me: “Okay, helicopter then?”

    Customer: “Oh no, that’s silly.”

    Me: “Well, may I ask how your planning to get here.”

    Customer: “Down the 405, duh!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t drive to Catalina Island.”

    Customer: “You can’t?”

    Me: “No, it’s an island. You know, surrounded by water.”

    Customer: “Catalina Island is an ISLAND?!”

    Me: *headdesk*

    Related:
    Must Be From Orange County

    Last Line Says It All

    | Sarasota, FL, USA |

    Customer: “My computer won’t do anything.”

    Me: “Okay, can you try rebooting it?”

    Customer: “You want me to turn off my mouse?”

    Me: “No, I want you to reboot your computer.”

    Customer: “You want me to turn off my monitor?”

    Me: “Um, no. I want you to reboot your computer, the tower.

    Customer: “Which one is that?”

    Me: “The big box on the ground…the thing you put CDs into.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay hang on…it’s still not working.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “It’s asking me to put in my password but nothing’s working.”

    Me: “Hmm, do you have a wireless keyboard and mouse?”

    Customer: “How can I tell?”

    Me: “Pick up your keyboard.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Do you see a cable attached to it?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, you have a wireless keyboard. Try replacing the batteries. Is your mouse working?”

    Customer: “How can I tell?”

    Me: “When you move the mouse do you see the cursor move?”

    Customer: “No I just see an arrow move.”

    Me: “Well then, your mouse is working.”

    (Real Estate agents, possibly the dumbest users on earth.)


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