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    Archive for 2008

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    Touché

    | UK |

    (Our bar has been reserved for a private party. Signs are up all over the place, on fluorescent pink paper, including on the front door, right at eye level. A customer approaches the bar.)

    Me: “Hi…I’m sorry, but the bar’s closed to the public tonight as there’s a private function taking place.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t see the sign on the door!”

    Me: “So…how do you know it’s there?”

    Customer: “…”

    And On The 40th Day, The Customers Complained

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (It was raining one day and didn’t look like it would be stopping any time soon.)

    Guest: “Hi, could you tell me when it’s going to stop raining?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure.”

    Guest: “Well, why not? I came here to enjoy the park, and my family can’t do that when its pouring rain! When will it stop so we know when to come back?”

    Me: “Hold on a sec…”

    (I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “Hi, GOD? Ya, its me, how you doing? Ya, ya…I’m good as you can see. Well you see this woman standing next to me? She’s wondering when you’re gonna stop the rain so she can enjoy the park…Oh, okay. I’ll let her know! Have a magical day!”

    (The woman storms off to another cast member and demands to see my manager. I got fired, but it was TOTALLY worth it!)

    By Doing Nothing, The Problem Has Resolved Itself

    | Vienna, Austria |

    (I’m part of a small animation company. One project in particular was assigned to me alone, forcing me to deal with two customers. A specification nightmare waiting to happen, but I still accepted it. This happened at a meeting relatively far along, with work close to being finished.)

    Me: “So, that’s the current state. I still have to add in details, but that’s not an issue within the deadline.”

    Customer 1: “Looks great to me already. Looking forward to the final product…just one gripe.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer 1: “The animation runs too slowly.”

    (I’m confused, as I made it pretty fast already. Customer 2 pipes up.)

    Customer 2: “What? No! It is way too fast!”

    (I try to interrupt the beginning squabble, but am not successful. The two customers squabble for a full fifteen minutes whether it is too slow or too fast.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer 1 and 2: *still squabbling*

    Me: “Excuse me! I’ve got another meeting in fifteen, so may I make a suggestion?”

    Customer 1 and 2: *simultaneously* “Yes?”

    Me: “How about we compromise and leave the speed as it is?”

    (The looks the two of them exchanged were golden, as if that thought had never crossed their mind. It’s one of those rare cases I got it my way…)

    Pointless Pickiness

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I want coffee, but I don’t want any caffeine in it.”

    Me: “So you want decaffeinated coffee?”

    Customer: “No, I want regular coffee. I also want you to take the caffeine out of it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy decaf if you don’t want any caffeine.”

    Customer: “Just gimme that coffee, and make sure to take the caffeine out.”

    (She turns her back for a moment to rummage through her purse. I pour her a cup of decaf anyway.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Did you take the caffeine out?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Too Bad They Don’t Sell Brains Too

    | Milford, CT, USA |

    (I’m shopping in the dollar store, fully clothed in my Taco Bell uniform. I even have the hat on, too.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir, do you work here?”

    Me: “Does it LOOK like I work here?”

    Customer: “Yes?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, do you know how much this is?”

    Me: “It’s a dollar.”

    Customer: “How did you know that if you didn’t work here?”

    Me: “Lady, do you have ANY idea where you are right now? You are in a dollar store. Do you know what that means?”

    Customer: “That’s impossible.”

    Me: “…what?”

    Customer: “This store doesn’t sell dollars.”

    (At this point I didn’t know whether I should slap her or retreat and laugh till I puked.)

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