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    Archive for 2008

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    Better Ask The Halibut First

    | Berkeley, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like the halibut. Is there any way you can make that vegan?”

    Me: “Other than by making it not be a fish, no.”

    Customer: “Good point.”

    Those Who Know Just Enough To Be Dangerous

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Hi Sir, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Uhh, yea, I need some CDs.”

    Me: “Sure, we’ve got all kinds: CD-R, CD-RW and regular music CDs.”

    Customer: “Umm, I just need CDs with lots of RAM.”

    Me: “RAM? CDs don’t have RAM, computers do.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *turns around and ambles out of the store*

    (He then comes back a month later with a MacBook.)

    Customer: “Uhh, yeah…I put Linux on it.”

    Me: “That’s wonderful, you made a great choice.”

    Customer: “But, like, I can’t use my Apple OSX anymore.”

    Me: “Issues with Mac OSX? Okay, well. Lets take a look.”

    (I turn the laptop on, and I see that he has installed Ubuntu, I go into the GRUB loader to basically boot OSX and I find that it is no longer there.)

    Me: “Sir, did you reformat your hard drive in order to install Ubuntu?”

    Customer: “Uhh, I don’t know, I just followed the directions.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like you reformatted your hard drive, got rid of anything and everything you had on your MacBook and installed Ubuntu.”

    Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

    Me: “You got rid of everything, including any backups you may have had. I cannot get anything back.”

    Customer: “But I can get my files back right? I only formatted my Apple, right?”

    Me: “No, nothing can be done. You can either become a Linux user or if you have restore discs you can use those.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll talk to my brother, he can probably get all my stuff back…”

    The Sweet, Slightly Nutty Taste Of Surrender

    | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “Where are your walnuts?”

    Me: “It’s over with the other nuts.”

    Customer: “I didn’t see them.”

    Me: “They’re next to the cashews. Trust me, when you see them, you will laugh.”

    (Time passes, I finish filling my bin and wade through Christmas crowd to check on the customer. I find her standing right in front of the walnuts. She’s clearly found them.)

    Me: “You found them.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t see them because the sign was in the way.”

    (Note she’s referring to a large, 18 inch sign with three inch wide red letters that read WALNUTS. It was added because customers complained they couldn’t find them.)

    Me: “You couldn’t see the walnuts because of the sign that said WALNUTS?”

    Customer: *angry* “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Me: “I…can’t help you.”

    Nonsensical Hypotheticals, Part 2

    | Boulder, CO, USA |

    Hotel guest: “Is there a way to take the phone off the hook so that it doesn’t ring?”

    Me: “Well, you could always…take the phone off the hook, so that it doesn’t ring. But yes, I can put the phone on a do not disturb, so that you won’t get any calls.”

    Hotel guest: “I want to take a half hour nap, so I don’t want the phone to ring. But I want to be able to get calls later.”

    Me: “I understand, sir, I’ll be sure not to transfer any calls to your room for the next half hour.”

    Hotel guest: “But what if one of the people in my group wants to reach me?”

    Me: “…Would you like me to only allow calls from inside the hotel?”

    Hotel guest: “No, I want to take a nap.”

    Me: “So you want me to make sure that you don’t get any calls for the next half hour, but if anyone calls, you want them to be able to reach you?”

    Hotel guest: *confused* “Yes.”

    Me: “I understand, sir. I’ll take care of it.”

    Related:
    Nonsensical Hypotheticals

    If Exes Ruled The World

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I want to cancel my ex-husband’s policy.”

    Me: “Are you on the policy with him?”

    Customer: “No, but his new girlfriend is. That’s why I’d like it canceled.”

    Me: “You can’t cancel a policy that isn’t yours.”

    Customer: “Why not?! It used to be my policy!”

    Me: “Well, because you no longer have authorization to make such a change.”

    Customer: “Well, he didn’t have authorization to bring that ***** into my house, but he did it anyways. I’m pretty sure you can cancel his policy.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure you need to see a therapist. Thanks for calling.”

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