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    Archive for 2008

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    Back In My Day, A Feather Duster Was Enough

    | Lexington, KY, USA |

    (I was going to get some milk out of a refrigerator while my coworker was taking an order at the drive-thru. Here is the conversation that took place.)

    Coworker: “Okay, please pull up to the window.”

    Customer: “IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL HIT YOU UP SIDE THE HEAD WITH A PAY PHONE!”

    Me: *leaning out of the refrigerator* “Did she say…”

    Coworker: “…a pay phone?”

    (As far as we can guess, her child had said something to her and we just overheard her!)

    Good, Because Ms. BSOD Gets Really Cranky

    | Ohio, USA |

    Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?

    Customer: “Ms. Dos.”

    (The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)

    Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”

    Tits Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply

    , | United Kingdom |

    Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?”

    Customer: “Chicken.”

    Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?”

    Customer: “Chicken.”

    Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?”

    Customer: “CHICKEN!”

    Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!”

    Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.”

    (I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.)

    Aloha, Mofo

    | San Diego | Top

    Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hablas espa√±ol?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Why not? Why didn’t your parents teach you?”

    Me: “Because we’re Hawaiian.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not an excuse.”

    Me: “Do you speak Hawaiian?”

    Customer: “Of course not, I’m Colombian.”

    Me: “Well, that’s no excuse.”

    Wesley Called, He Wants His Tan Back

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (Customer walks in and is a bright white Jewish guy with a big beard.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, my brother says you can give me a tan so I can look like Wesley Snipes.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “You know Wesley Snipes, He’s got a great tan. It looks like he’s a real black guy.”

    Me: “Wesley Snipes IS a REAL black guy.”

    Customer: “Yeah, because of the great tan he’s got.”

    Me: “…Okay?”

    Customer: “Look, I just need to be as dark as that guy so I can learn how to rap.”

    Me: “You can learn how to rap without being black. Look at Eminem.”

    Customer: “Are you gonna give me a tan or what? I have all the money to pay for it.”

    Me: “Well, okay. If that’s what you want…but you’re gonna have to shave off that beard and go to the jewelry shop across the street to buy a giant platinum chain with diamonds all over it.”

    Customer: “Smart a**!”

    (So we put him through the spray tanner like ten times and made him pay 35 bucks for every time. We had almost gotten him as black as Wesley Snipes when our boss walked in and asked what the h*ll was going on. He said we had to shave all beards before starting the process. So, now this guy gets his beard shaved by my coworker and the result was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my life. He looked like a freaking raccoon!)

    (The customer looks in the mirror.)

    Customer: “You sons of b**ches, you did this on purpose! You racist b**tards hate Jewish people! All I wanted was a f**king tan!”

    (The raccoon got dressed super fast and ran out…)


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