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    Archive for 2008

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    Postal Paranoia

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

    Woman: “No.”

    Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

    Woman: “No!”

    Me: “I, uh–”

    Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

    Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

    (The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)

    Liar Liar Panties On Fire

    , | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, I understand that you’re having problems with your delivery.”

    Customer: “Yes, your stupid SOB driver won’t deliver to my apartment. I saw him through the window and thought he’d be right up, but he never came up.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I see that you live in an apartment complex, is there a security code or call box on the gate that the driver would need to use to gain access to your complex?”

    Customer: “There isn’t a call box or a gate code. The gates stay locked all day.”

    Me: “Well, without a gate code or a call box at the gate, my driver can’t get through to your gate. Furthermore, if you saw him outside of the complex, why didn’t you go out to greet him?”

    Customer: “That’s not my problem. I shouldn’t have to leave my apartment to get my package. It’s your job to deliver it to my door.”

    Me: “Actually, it is your problem if you’d like to receive your package today.”

    Customer: “You can’t speak to me like that! I demand to speak to your supervisor!

    Me: “Ma’am, I *am* the supervisor. I also dispatch to the driver to reattempt delivery to your address.”

    Customer: “I still don’t see why I have do half of your job. You’re the delivery company.”

    Me: “No problem ma’am. We’ll bring it back to the building tonight and we’ll try it again tomorrow. If we can’t reach your door tomorrow, then we’ll try again a third time and after that if it gets sent back to the shipper, you’ll have to address it with them.”

    Customer: “NO! NO! NO! Fine! I’ll prop the gate open, it’s medication that I need today!”

    Me: *looks in system, it’s Victoria Secret*

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    (A customer spent about 15 minutes asking every employee where the 9 inch taper candles were located that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she was holding onto a 10 inch taper candle. Our store never carried a 9 inch taper candle–they only come in 6, 8, 10, 12 and 15 inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

    Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

    Manager/wife of the owner: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I know I bought 9 inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

    Wife of the owner: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a 9 inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

    Customer: “I know you had them, where are they!”

    (The owner reaches out and grabs the 10 inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off 1 inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

    Owner: “THERE IS YOUR 9 INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

    Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

    Wife of the owner: “You just did.”

    Related:
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    (Full) Front(al) Desk

    | Sulphur, LA, USA | Top

    Me: “Good morning sir, would you like a room for the night?”

    Husband: “Ummmmm…I dunno, let me go ask my wife.”

    (He leaves for about 10 minutes.)

    Husband: “She said yes. How much for 1 bed?”

    Me: “It’s 79 plus tax, sir, but the only single bed rooms we have right now are smoking rooms.”

    Husband: “Okay, let me go ask my wife.”

    (He’s gone for another 10 minutes or so. He comes back with his wife.)

    Wife: “Why don’t you have any non-smoking rooms?”

    Me: “We sold out of them earlier this afternoon. In fact, we only have 3 rooms left for the night.”

    Wife: “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in all my life! You are going to rent me a room or I’m going to have to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Okay ma’am, what kind of room would you like? ”

    Wife: “WE would like a single, NON-SMOKING ROOM!”

    Me: “I already told you and your husband that we only have smoking rooms available.”

    Wife: “I. WANT. NON. SMOKING.”

    Me: “I only have smoking rooms left. If you want, though I can give you the location of another hotel.”

    Husband: “We’re only gonna be here a few hours. Smoking is fine. I’m just sleeping.”

    (They bicker back and forth for nearly 20 minutes. Another customer comes up to the desk, and I offer to help her.)

    Wife: “You will not help anyone else until you help me!”

    (The other customer doesn’t seem to mind and stands back.)

    Wife: “Just give me the stupid smoking room.”

    Me: “I need to see your driver’s license, ma’am.”

    Wife: “WHAT? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED FOR MY LICENSE AT ANY HOTEL BEFORE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s standard procedure for pretty much any hotel you go to. It’s for liability reasons, and in case the room is damaged in any way.”

    Wife: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE A F***ING SPY! I WILL NOT BE KEPT UNDER SURVEILLANCE! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID F***ING HOTEL!”

    (The wife proceeds to throw everything she can reach at me, and tries coming over the counter at me. She then starts stripping off her clothes and running around in circles in the lobby. Thankfully the other customer calls 911 and the police arrive in moments. I gave the second lady a complimentary room.)

    At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

    Coworker: “Alright, may I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over a receipt dated about 7 months ago.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

    Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

    Customer: “Well, what am -I- supposed to do with them? Why should -I- lose money because of this?!”

    Coworker: “…”

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