Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Meagan. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”
Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”
Customer: “I said come mow my lawn!”
Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or internet?”
Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*
Me: “…”
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Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “I’m looking for non-fiction.”
Me: “What kind?”
Customer: “Just non-fiction.”
Me: “Okay…do you want history? Or science? Psychology?
Business?”
Customer: “No, just NON-FICTION!”
Me: “Ma’am, most of the store is non-fiction. You’ll have to be more specific.”
Customer: “Don’t you get it? I just want some non-fiction!”
Me: “All right. Do you see over there, where it says ‘Fiction?’”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “All the books but those. Good luck.”
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(Once a month, we send out a mailer advertising our business. Like most ads it reads, “Call Now!”)
Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I received a card in the mail that said I should call you.”
Me: “Oh, you’re interested in our free design consultation? I’d be more than happy to set one up for you.”
Customer: “No, I don’t want anything like that. It just told me to call.”
Me: “So you’d like a free estimate for new floors?”
Customer: “No! The card you sent me in the mail! It said to call you, so I’m calling you! Why do you want me to call you?!”
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1,552 Thumbs Up!)
(I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)
Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”
Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*
Guy to girl: “Honey, do you understand any of this?”
Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”
Guy to me: “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her *points to girlfriend*, which would you choose?”
Me: “Well…this one has a built in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”
(The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with girlfriend.)
Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”
Me: “More than you would think.”
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Customer: “So it says ‘message sent’…does that mean it’s been sent?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer: “Oh okay. So they should receive that, then?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer: “Okay. And I mean, if they received it, will they get back to me right away?”
Me: “Well, it depends how long it takes them.”
Customer: “Oh. So how do I know if it’s sent?”
Me: “It says ‘message sent’ on the screen.”
Customer: “Oh okay. So when should I expect a reply?”
Me: “…”
(Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this routine has been carried out, with the same person.)
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1,222 Thumbs Up!)
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