October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Archive for 2008

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I’ll Take Some Chocolate And My Baby’s Daddy, Please…

, | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

(I happened to be on call-quality monitoring when one of my coworkers got this call.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling **** Gifts, my name is ****. How can I help you?”

Caller: *with a thick accent* “Do you have anyone there that speaks Spanish?”

Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we do not. Is there anything I can do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Where is my check?”

Coworker: “…your check?”

Caller: “Yes, where is my check?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I don’t think I follow–”

Caller: “Where is my child support check?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, we sell candies and cookies. We don’t have your check.”

Caller: “WHY NOT?!”

Coworker: “…Because we’re a gift-ordering service. We don’t handle child support checks.”

Caller: “Well, can you give me the number to the child support check people?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I don’t know what that number is. We aren’t connected with them in any way.”

Caller: “WHY NOT?!”

Coworker: “…”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4

, | Louisville, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(I was helping a customer sign into their email.)

Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.”

Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

Guerilla Marketing At Its Finest

| Waterloo, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Come here! I’m going to bite your nipples off!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Aww…I’m sorry. Listen, come by my office and I’ll give you a free massage.” *gives me his business card*

Cold Hard Cash

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you guys have an ATM machine here?”

Me: “Er, no, sorry.”

Customer: “I see one right there!”

Me: “Um … that’s a telephone booth, sir.”

Customer: *squinting and walking toward it* “No, it’s an ATM.”

Me: “No. No it’s not. It’s definitely a telephone booth.”

Customer: “Oh. Well…there’s one beside it!”

Me: “That is a freezer, sir. We store ice in it to sell to campers for their coolers.”

Customer: “Why does it say ‘ice’ on it? What kind of ATM says ‘ice’?” *opening the ice box* “It’s an ice box.”

Me: ” …”

Up and Running

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at an incoming call center for a well known adult website. Most of our calls deal with technical problems or issues with logging-in to the sites. Most of them, anyway….)

Caller: “Good afternoon, sir. I’m having some issues here.”

Me: “That’s what we’re here for! What can I do to help?”

Caller: “Well, I’m sitting here looking at all these beautiful women and, well, I just can’t seem to get an erection.”

Me: “Sir…that is NOT something that I can help you with!”

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