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    Archive for 2008

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    I’ll Take Some Chocolate And My Baby’s Daddy, Please…

    , | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    (I happened to be on call-quality monitoring when one of my coworkers got this call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling **** Gifts, my name is ****. How can I help you?”

    Caller: *with a thick accent* “Do you have anyone there that speaks Spanish?”

    Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we do not. Is there anything I can do for you, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Where is my check?”

    Coworker: “…your check?”

    Caller: “Yes, where is my check?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I don’t think I follow–”

    Caller: “Where is my child support check?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, we sell candies and cookies. We don’t have your check.”

    Caller: “WHY NOT?!”

    Coworker: “…Because we’re a gift-ordering service. We don’t handle child support checks.”

    Caller: “Well, can you give me the number to the child support check people?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I don’t know what that number is. We aren’t connected with them in any way.”

    Caller: “WHY NOT?!”

    Coworker: “…”

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4

    , | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (I was helping a customer sign into their email.)

    Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.”

    Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    Guerilla Marketing At Its Finest

    | Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Come here! I’m going to bite your nipples off!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Aww…I’m sorry. Listen, come by my office and I’ll give you a free massage.” *gives me his business card*

    Cold Hard Cash

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Do you guys have an ATM machine here?”

    Me: “Er, no, sorry.”

    Customer: “I see one right there!”

    Me: “Um … that’s a telephone booth, sir.”

    Customer: *squinting and walking toward it* “No, it’s an ATM.”

    Me: “No. No it’s not. It’s definitely a telephone booth.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well…there’s one beside it!”

    Me: “That is a freezer, sir. We store ice in it to sell to campers for their coolers.”

    Customer: “Why does it say ‘ice’ on it? What kind of ATM says ‘ice’?” *opening the ice box* “It’s an ice box.”

    Me: ” …”

    Up and Running

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I work at an incoming call center for a well known adult website. Most of our calls deal with technical problems or issues with logging-in to the sites. Most of them, anyway….)

    Caller: “Good afternoon, sir. I’m having some issues here.”

    Me: “That’s what we’re here for! What can I do to help?”

    Caller: “Well, I’m sitting here looking at all these beautiful women and, well, I just can’t seem to get an erection.”

    Me: “Sir…that is NOT something that I can help you with!”


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