Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”
Caller: “Well, it’s my son’s computer, it’s… smoking.”
Me: “It’s smoking? Is it making a loud beeping sound or is it hot? Anything else that would indicate that it’s on fire?”
Caller: “No! It’s not hot or anything. In fact, it seems to work just fine, but after it being on for about two or three minutes it starts to smoke.”
Me: “Okay… well, shut the machine down, unplug it, and then hold down the power button for about ten seconds.”
Caller: “Ok. Got it. Now what?”
Me: “Ok, open the case and take a look inside. Does anything look melted or cracked or–”
Caller: “Oh…”
Me: “You found the problem?”
Caller: *angry* “Oooh yeah. There’s… uh… there’s a little plastic bag taped to the inside of the case… full of dried green stuff.”
Me: *trying not to laugh*
Caller: “Thanks for your help. I need to go have a talk with my son.” *click*
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5,159 Thumbs Up!)
(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)
Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir? ”
Customer: “Uh… uh… ”
(I then notice that he’s peeing on some of our boxwoods.)
Me: “What–”
Customer: “I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!” ¬†*zips up and runs out*
Coworker: “Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!”
Me: *drops watering hose* “I’m taking a break.”
Related:
Welcome To Retail, Part 2
Welcome To Retail
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3,428 Thumbs Up!)
(I’m waiting in the movie ticket line and overhear three teenage girls having a conversation.)
Girl #1: “What is the mat-in-ee?”
Girl #2: “That’s like, a sea creature, right?”
Girl #3: “OMG, you are so stupid! Its like when you get a discount because your dad is, like, in the military or something.”
Girl #1: “OMG, I’m so stupid!”
Girl #3: “Yeah, you should pay more attention to your surroundings!”
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2,415 Thumbs Up!)
Caller: “Hi, I want to use my roommate’s computer but it’s not working.”
Me: “Could you describe the problem?”
Caller: “Well, there’s a sign next to it that says ‘In case of error, PEBCAK.’ Could you explain it?”
Me: *tries not to laugh* “It’s short for ‘Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard’.”
Caller: “Oh! I get it! Hold on…”
(I hear a loud cracking sound and some faint swearing.)
Caller: “It’s still not working!”
Me: “Er… what did you do?”
Caller: “I took away the wooden bit under the keyboard… now it’s right over the chair!”
(I actually head-desked after that.)
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2,819 Thumbs Up!)
Retail | Port Charlotte, FL, USA |
Customer: “This phone doesn’t hang on the wall right. The handle keeps falling off.”
(Knowing exactly what’s wrong, I fix the phone on the spot. It’s a simple fix.)
Customer: “How did you do that?”
Me: “I turned this little tab around so the handle catches on it.”
Customer: “How did you know that?”
Me: “Didn’t the instructions tell you how?”
Customer: *snorts* “I don’t have time to read the instructions!”
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1,742 Thumbs Up!)
Created by our friends at Quitting Time
Original Story:
Getting A Word In Edgewise
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170 Thumbs Up!)
(A customer walks into my video rental store on Christmas Eve 2005; it’s about 9 pm.)
Customer: “Are you open?”
Me: “Are the lights on?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Are the lights on?”
Customer: “Yes…”
Me: “Was the door unlocked?”
Customer: “Well, yeah…”
Me: “Have you ever been somewhere that was closed when the lights were mon and the doors were open?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “So, you understand now!”
Customer: “No. Are you open or not?”
Related:
You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2
You Can Lead A Horse To Water
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1,607 Thumbs Up!)
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