Restaurant | New Jersey, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling [italian restaurant], how can I help you?”
Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for two people.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”
Customer: “But I want to make a reservation for two people.”
Me, repeating: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”
Customer: “Well, what if I tell you the reservation is for six people and then only show up with two?”
Me: “Ma’am, I won’t write that reservation down.”
Customer: *click*
Retail | Belgium
(An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)
Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”
Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”
Me: “Not really…”
Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”
Me: “Oh, okay.”
Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”
Me: “How come?”
Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”
Me: “…”
Related:
Way Too Much Information
TMI (Too Much Information)
Dollar Store | Kane, PA, USA
(I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.)
Me: “That will be $25.30.”
Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”
Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”
Convenience Store | Virginia, USA
(A mom and little girl are waiting in line. I watch from a different line.)
Little Girl: “Can I have this candy?”
Mom: “No, put it back.”
Little Girl: “But that’s not fair! That’s not fair!”
Mom: “Cut that out!”
Little Girl: *takes a deep breath and calms down, then turns to her mom* “I’m killing you. I’m going to kill you.”
Mom: “…”
Pizza | Indiana, USA
(My pizza place recently stopped accepting checks, due to a large number of returned checks. We have a large sign in the lobby, and a smaller sign at the register.)
Customer: “What?! I can’t write a check?”
Me: “I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds.”
Customer: ”But I was going to write a check…”
Me: ”We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account.”
Customer: ”I can’t use my debit card! I don’t have enough money in my account!”
(And THAT is why we no longer take checks!)
Tech Support | Nottingham, UK
Me: “Hello, welcome to PC support. How may I help?”
Customer: “Hello, I just bought this washing machine.”
Me: “Alright. You’ll have to call customer service. This is PC support. Call back on the same number you just dialed, select 2 in the first menu and then 3 in the second menu to get to customer service.”
Customer: “Okay, transfer me to customer service.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not able to do that. You will have to call back on the same number and select 2 in the first menu, 3 in the second.”
Customer: “Can you give me the number to customer service?”
Me: “It’s the same number you just called. Press 2 and then 3 in the menus.”
Customer: “What happens if I press 2 now?”
Me: “Well, I will get a beep in my ear and I dont like that. Please hang up and call back on the same number before pressing any keys.”
Customer: “Hrmf!” *hangs up*
(20 seconds later…)
Me: “Hello, welcome to PC support. How may I help?”
Customer: “Hello, I just bought this washing machine.”
Me: *sigh*
Restaurant | Fayetteville, TN, USA
Customer: “I want to know why you made his sandwich before you finished making mine.”
Worker: “… because yours wasn’t finished heating up yet.”
Customer: “I didn’t want a hot sandwich.”
Worker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Company rules say we’re required to heat the bacon for a BLT.”
Customer: “I didn’t ASK for bacon!”
Worker: “You ordered a BLT…”
Customer: “I know. I didn’t want bacon!”
Worker: “BLTs have bacon on them, ma’am.”
Customer: “No they don’t!”
Worker: “Perhaps you wanted the BMT instead?”
Customer: “NO! I ASKED FOR A BLT AND THAT’S WHAT I WANT.”
Worker: “That has bacon on it.”
Customer: “A BLT DOES NOT COME WITH BACON!”
Denver, CO, USA | Tech Support
Me: ”Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”
Customer: ”Yeah, I want to get on the Internet.”
Me: ”Alright, are you interested in dialup or DSL?”
Customer: ”Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re speaking Greek to me!”
Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call
Home Improvement/Hardware Store | Cleveland, OH, USA
Me: “Hi, can I help you?”
Customer: “We’re looking at the toilets. What does the ‘flush rating’ on the box mean?”
Me: “That indicates the amount of flush power.”
Customer: “But what is it measuring?”
Me: “It’s just a general rating to give you an idea of the power of the flush on this model.”
Customer: “And the picture of the basket of golf balls on the box?”
Me: “This is just an illustration claiming this toilet can flush a full bucket of golf balls without clogging.”
Customer: “I worked in an old building once, and whenever I would use the toilet there it would clog up.”
(I smile blandly and pray she doesn’t continue.)
Customer: “Maybe the golf ball toilet would be good then. I mean, if it can handle a whole basket of balls… right?
(My smile wanes, and I hope she doesn’t start describing shape, color, consistency.)
Customer: “Well, food for thought I guess. Oh, dear, I shouldn’t say ‘food’ when it comes to toilets!”
Retail | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA
(A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.)
Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.”
Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.”
Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.”
Tourist: “Puerto Rican?”
Me: “Not even close.”
Tourist: “Cuban?”
Me: “No.”
Tourist: “What are you, then?”
Me: “I’m Native American.”
Tourist: “So am I.” (She’s white as notebook paper.)
Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.”
Tourist: “What do you mean?”
Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?”
Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.”
Me: “Just take your change.”
Related:
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