(I have been cleaning up the magazine section for over an hour, as people leave piles of magazines all over the store rather than buying them or putting them back. Two women approach me as I’m working.)

Woman #1: “Excuse me, didn’t you have chairs here in this section before?”

Me: “Yes we did, but we took them away because this area isn’t monitored as often and it results in a large mess and damaged products.”

Woman #2, after leaving a pile of magazines on the floor: “Oh, so you mean you got lazy.”

(I try hard to not roll up a magazine and bop her on the head with it.)

Caller: “Yes, I would like a room for tonight.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. We are completely sold out.”

Caller: “Really!? I can’t believe that.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We truly do not have any rooms to sell.”

Caller: “Can I be put on a waiting list?”

Me: “No, we do not do waiting lists.”

Caller: “Who has rooms then?”

Me: “I would try **** and ****. They may still have rooms available.”

Caller: “You mean you don’t know?”

Me: “Um…no. I’m sorry I do not.”

Caller: “Well book me a room at one of those then!”

Me: “Yeah…there is no way for me to do that. I can give you their phone numbers though.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just book them for me? Use your fingers at your little computer and get me a room!”

(I was currently working in the electronics section of a discount super store, who’s favorite color use to be blue, when I was approached by a customer, which was surprising since the state was being hit by a significantly large ice storm.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to pick up my pictures.”

Me: “Hmm…it seems they aren’t in yet, when did you send them out?”

Customer: *very angry* “They were supposed to be in today!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the lab where they are processed is hours away and its too dangerous for the drivers to be out on the roads today.”

Customer: “Well I made it, how come they can’t?”

Me: “Sir, you live on the street behind the building, which is a much shorter and safer distance compared to the over 120 miles the driver would have to drive, especially on roads that not even emergency vehicles won’t go onto.”

Customer: “I was told my pictures were going to be back today, and I want them today!”

(I’m about to apologize to the man but am beaten to the punch by the customer behind him…)

Customer #2: “Yeah! You guys should have dog sleds on the side just in case.”

Original Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous!”

Customer #2: *in a very apologetic tone* “I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to make insane demands.”

Original Customer: *storms off talking to the air about how rude people are*

Customer #2: “That was fun!” *walks away*

(Unfortunately, I never got to thank that second customer. Wherever you are Customer #2, thank you.)

Related:
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(There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.)

Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.”

Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.”

Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!”

Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.”

Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.”

(I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.)

Me: “Is your name ***?”

Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!”

Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!”

Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!”

(Customer hands the drink back to me.)

Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

Lady: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What isn’t?”

Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

Lady, growing fidgety: “But that’s not what the COUPON says.”

Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [drugstore chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back, I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

Me: *head-desk*

Related:
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(A woman came up to the concession counter with a tub of popcorn.)

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Woman: “WHY IS THIS POPCORN COLD?!”

Me: “It is? That’s weird, it shouldn’t be. I just made several batches, so I can get you another one.”

(The popcorn was ice cold, which was odd considering it usually stayed warm for a few hours.)

Me: “Just wondering, when did you buy this popcorn?”

Woman: “Yesterday.”

Me: “…”

(I had just taken the client’s information and asked him what kind of issue he was having.)

Him: “Well, I’ve been having some problems with my emai–”

(I hear the guy pull the phone away from his mouth.)

Him, yelling: “HEY, SHUT THE F*CK UP MOTHERF*CKER!”

Someone else in the background: “NO, YOU’RE THE MOTHERF*CKER A**HOLE! YOU SHUT THE F*CK UP!”

(After about ten seconds of silence the guy comes back on the line and continues describing his problem like nothing ever happened.)

(An extremely difficult older customer was waiting on hold to speak to me while I was on the line with another customer. He impatiently hung up several times and called back as though terrorizing the receptionists would get him on the phone with me any faster.)

Me: “Sorry to keep you holding, how can I help you?”

Older male customer: “I demand that you remove that hold music immediately because I refuse to listen to it! I also don’t appreciate waiting! I’m very busy and don’t have the time to waste to talk to you!”

Me: “I’m apologize for the inconvenience, but I was on the line with another customer.”

Him: “Now I’m going to waste your time by staying on the line so you can’t take any other calls!”

Me: “Okay…”

Him: “…”

Me: “…”

(The silence continues for another pointless several seconds.)

Him: “Let me speak to the owner!”

Me: “Alright, he’s on the other line so it’ll just be a moment.”

Him: “NO, I don’t want to be put on hold! I want to speak to him NOW! Just write on a piece of paper that LEONARD ***** is on the phone and go in his office and wave it in front of his face.”

(I put him on hold and he immediately hangs up and calls back screaming about having to wait. I try to transfer the call to the owner but he hangs up as soon as he’s put on hold and the cycle repeats itself.)

Me: “Sir, I -have- to put you on hold in order to transfer the call.”

Him: “No, just transfer the call without putting me on hold!”

Me: “I’m sorry but that’s physically impossible…”

Him: “I don’t care! Do it anyway!”

Me: *sigh*

(I was working a children’s show at this theatre and this woman was helping a child with special needs. I was closing the theatre when she came running up to me.)

Woman: “I think I left my phone inside the theatre. Can I just go check?”

(I let her inside and we begin looking where she had been sitting; neither of us could find it. At this point she was on her knees sitting up, digging through her pockets.)

Woman: “Where the hell could it have…”

(She freezes and pulls her phone out of her pocket, which she then looks at and THROWS IT UNDER A SEAT. She then bends over and grabs it.)

Woman: “I found it! Thank you so much.”

Me: *stifling laughter* “You’re welcome.”

Me: “Thank you for calling Guest Relations, this is ********. How can I assist you today?”

Guest: “I need to cancel my reservation I had a death in the family, and I won’t be able to make it.”

Me: “I’m certainly sorry to hear about that. I can contact the hotel for you and see if they would be willing to cancel the reservation without penalty. Can you give me the confirmation number?”

(Just then his wife is in the back ground yelling at him trying to take the phone away. She was calling him a liar and telling him that he was going to h*** if he did not tell me the truth. Just then she gets on the phone and says…)

Guest’s Wife: “I’m really sorry, but my husband is a liar and there was no death in the family. He made a mistake and booked the wrong hotel, and he doesn’t have the balls to admit it.”

Me: “Oh! Well then, yeah…”

Guest’s Wife: “I have told him not to do it, but he did.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our policies and procedure for this rate are very strict. I would not be able to cancel the reservation for you without a penalty.”

Guest’s Wife: “SO YOU’RE A LIAR TOO!!! You told my husband you would see if you can cancel without a penalty and now you can’t! BULLSH*T!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have to ask you to watch your language. We can contact the hotels if its an emergency. But we can never guarantee that it will be cancelled without a penalty for you. I advised that I would ask for you–”

Guest’s Wife: “FINE THEN! IF IT HAS TO BE THAT WAY THEN I DIED JUST TELL THEM THAT. I’M SURE THEY WOULD CANCEL THAT THEN. RIGHT!?”

Me: “But ma’am you can’t be dead–I am talking to you. I’m sorry…I can’t cancel the reservation for you. If I do you will be charged.”

Guest’s Wife: “YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON! YOU DONT CARE IF WE DIED! I DEMAND A REFUND OF THIS. NOW.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not able to assist at this time, so you guys have a great day.”

Guest’s Wife: “FINE THEN! THIS WAS POINTLESS. Thanks for nothing you heartless b***h.”

Me: “You have a great day!”

(This person was the laughing stock of the day. She had the nerve to call back 4 times and try to convince some one to cancel the reservation for her with the same sob story again. Some people…)