(Hot summer day temperature in the nineties. Tons of people in line because the shop is in an amusement park and everybody wants soft ice cream, which makes the soft ice even softer as it doesn’t have time to chill properly.)

Male customer, who bought soft ice cream for his family 30 min or so earlier, comes up to the window very upset: “The soft ice cream is melting! My kids are a total mess!”

Me: “Well, it is hot outside, what are you gonna do?”

Customer: “You should put up a sign to let people know that it will melt!”

Me: “I don’t assume my customers are idiots.”

(Customer bangs the ice cream cone on the counter and storms off.)

The next customer in line looks at me and laughs: “I’ll guess I’ll just have the regular ice cream then.”

Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium coffee with twenty-seven and a half sugars.”

Me: “I’m sorry, was that…twenty-seven and a half?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You’re sure you don’t just want the twenty-eight?”

Customer: “Ewww, gross! That’d be too sweet.”

Me: “Excuse me, can I help you ma’am?”

Customer, in a very mean tone: “Yeah, I need a Dove bar.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. The soaps are right over there; see the sign?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “?”

Customer: “I’M WAITING…”

Me: *sigh*

(I go and get the soap and hand it to her. Then, she shows me a list of eight other things.)

Related:
She Probably Needs Someone To Put Her Clothes On, Too
The Epitome Of Lazy

(December 24th, last day for Christmas shopping.)

Customer: “Do you have a Nintendo Wii?”

Me: “No sir, unfortunately we are all sold out.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s just pretty much the top holiday item, sir, and we have been selling out of the Wiis non-stop since last November.”

Customer: “When do you get them in?”

Me: “I don’t know. Not until after February, probably.”

Customer: “D**n it! I have kids you know! Show some sympathy!”

Me: “So do probably 70 of the 100 people in line behind you, sir. Now is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “What if I slip you a $20?”

Me: “What about, no.”

Customer thinking I’m stupid: “Well, sell me the box you have right there up on the corner of your shelf, you liar!”

Me: “I can’t sell it to you, but I guess I could give it to you for free if it makes you feel better. There’s nothing in there by the way…”

(Customer apparently completely ignores that last line.)

Customer: “HELL YEAH I GOT MYSELF A WII! HAHAHAHAHA MERRY CHRISTMAS SUCKERS!”

(Crowd stands with death glares fixated on me and the guy.)

Me: *hands him the box* “Merry Christmas…next person, please.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F***! GOD D**N S**T! There’s nothing in this d**n box!”

Customer behind him: “That’s because he said that was just a display box. He gave it to you just so you could be happy and you accepted it, moron!”

(Crowd of customers returns to holiday mode.)

Customer: “Hello, can I please get a turkey burger?”

Me: “You mean a turkey sandwich?”

Customer: “No, I mean a turkey burger!”

Me: “Miss, we don’t sell turkey burgers here.”

(Another customer orders a soy patty.)

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That woman just got one!”

Me: “That is a soy patty.”

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME!”

Customer: “Is this the children’s department?”

Associate: “Yes this is.”

Customer: “And where’s the little girl’s?”

Associate: “Right over around the corner.”

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do your job?”

Associate: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “You know, you pick out my outfits for me.”

Associate: “Like a personal shopper?”

Customer: “What is this, some sort of self service store?”

Associate: “Typically, customers shop for themselves.”

Customer: “Well, fine! I’m going to shop somewhere else!”

Customer: “I need a fan.”

Me: “What kind of fan?”

Customer: “A fan for where I plug my modem in.”

Me: “Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(Customer leaves and returns with the computer. A hair dryer is duct-taped to the power supply, nozzle pointing into where the fan normally sits.)

Me, dumbfounded: “Why is there a hairdryer taped to your computer?”

Customer: “Well, I have to keep it warm, or it will freeze up.”

Related:
You Go On Wit Yo Bad DIY Self!

(Customer has been browsing their pictures for a few minutes and I’ve been working on other orders.)

Customer: “Hey!”

(The customer taps envelope on the counter obnoxiously to get my attention.)

Me: “Yes sir?”

Customer: “You ruined my pictures!” *throws pictures on the
counter*

Me: “Sir, they look fine to me.”

Customer: “You put your fingers in my pictures!”

Me: “That’s impossible sir, there’s no way my fingers could be in your pictures.”

Customer: “They stuck them in the way when you were printing them.”

Me: “No sir, the way our machine works that just can’t happen. The only way there could be fingers in the pictures is if whoever was taking the picture accidentally let their fingers get in the shot.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a professional and I took all these pictures so I know it wasn’t me. It has to be your fingers!”

Me: “Sir, was I there when you took your pictures?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and confused* “No…”

Me: “They’re not my fingers then.”

(This continued for another 15 minutes, with the customer complaining about our machine being out of focus and a mystery line that very obviously resembled a camera strap.)