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    Archive for 2007

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    Mission: Impossible

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Top

    Customer: “I just locked my key in my car in front of the shop.”

    Me: *I pick up some stuff* “Not a problem. I’ll pop it open for $5.00.”

    Customer: “What are you going to do with that stuff?”

    Me: “Open your car.”

    Customer: “It’s a brand new Mercedes. I just drove it here from the dealer—you can’t touch it!”

    Me: “Then how do I open it?”

    Customer: “That’s your problem.”

    Me: “Actually it’s not; I didn’t lock the key in your car.”

    Customer: “You have to open it.”

    Me: “Watch me not open it.”

    Customer: “Okay, then, but if you make any scratch or mark at all then you will have to pay Mercedes to repaint the whole car. That will cost thousands.”

    Me: “So, If I’m successful I get $5.00, but if I make the smallest error it will cost me thousands of dollars?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Your car might just be there forever.”

    No. Duh.

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I work at a bookstore; this happens almost daily)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is your gardening section?”

    Me: “Over there.”

    Customer: “I mean gardening BOOKS.”

    Zero Short Term Memory

    , | Costa Mesa, CA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”

    Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with 3 levels of stores; we don’t own it, the mall does. So you have to call us when you’re there.”

    Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”

    Me: “With your cellphone…”

    Customer: “Oh pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”

    Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”

    Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*

    Must Have Been A Looooong Pregnancy

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Pregnant Customer: “I want to be reimbursed because I did not get a ground floor unit, because I was promised one when I booked the reservation due to the fact that I’m pregnant.”

    Agent: “But ma’am, you booked this reservation eleven months in advance.”

    On The Futility Of Signs, Part 2

    | Midwest, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”

    Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)

    Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”

    Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”

    Customer: “Can we rent that?”

    On The Futility Of Signs