Customer: “Yes, how much is your ‘four dollar car wash?’”

Me: “It’s four dollars, ma’am.”

Related:
The Return of Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious To The Rescue
Belaboring The Obvious

Customer: “I’d like to have this book.” *holding a yoga book about relaxation with discount sticker on it*

Me: “I’m sorry sir. There seems to have been a mistake here. The book is to be sold at full price. The sticker was put on it by mistake.”

Customer: *A bit frustrated* “Can I get a discount anyway?”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.” *trying to change the price in the
register* “…I’m sorry. This book has a locked price.”

Customer: “Well, shove it up your a**hole then!” *storms out*

Customer: “I’ll get an espresso.”

(after receiving the espresso)

Customer: “I’m not paying $2.50 for this…fill up the cup!”

Me: “Sir, you will literally die…”

(Early 1970′s. I make a key for a guy who lost car keys in the mall parking lot.)

Me: “Well, that will be $10.00 for the key and labor but another key will be only 79 cents.”

Customer: “Ah, no man, I need my money to get my weed.”

(A week later, same deal. I have to go out in the rain and make the same guy another key.)

Me: “Well I’m sure that now you will get an extra key?”

Customer: “Ah, no man, I need my money to get my weed.”

(Well I can spot a trend, so I make another key anyway and hang it up in the shop.)

(I guess the weed finally got him.)

(This conversation between a Returns Employee and a customer was overheard by me and others.)

Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills onto the counter.)

Employee: “Why?”

Customer: “It’s leaking.”

(At this point me, 4 managers, the employee, 2 other customers, and 3 other employees all within earshot, slowly turn their heads towards the leaking tank careful not to make any sudden movements.)